Published January 2014
WASHINGTON, DC – The National Security Agency has stopped collecting American’s data after completely filling over 10,000 servers with “selfies.”
“As of last week, the NSA is no longer able to collect data due to the very large number of selfies that currently reside on the servers,” said NSA Director, Shawn Nossen.
Published May 2007
ALLENTOWN, PA – Shortly after checking a website his friends suggested, local man, Ryan “Big Red” Centorelli, realized he is a douche bag.
Published October 2011
CAMBRIDGE, MA – Research conducted at Massachusetts Institute of Technology has concluded that the internet is now 80% pornography, 15% cat videos/pictures and 4% poorly written comments.
“While most of our findings were pretty much exactly what we all thought they would be, the one thing that surprised us is that cat videos and pictures amounted for so little of the internet,” said Research Assistant Geraldine Westerly.
Published November 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In response to a number of negative books about him and his time as President, Donald Trump will publish his own book that he says he has written himself “on the very best paper and using the best coloring stick pencil things.”
Published May 2013
WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.
“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.
Published August 2009
LOS ANGELES, CA – As film studios continue the recent trend of remaking classic films, Warner Bros. Pictures announced this week that it will begin production on a remake of the upcoming film “Where the Wild Things Are.”
Although the original film isn’t scheduled for release until next month, Warner Bros. Pictures decided to get a jump on the production of a remake rather than devote resources to developing new story ideas.
Published January 2012
WASHINGTON, DC – Despite knowing very little about North Korea, foreign policy experts think that the people of North Korea are probably sad at the passing of Kim Jong-il.
Published October 2014
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The internet is buzzing after a recent blog post suggested a local 6-year-old predicted the rise of ISIS with a picture drawn three years ago.
Published January 2009
WASHINGTON, DC – All of the living former Presidents of the United States have begun hazing newly inaugurated President Barack Obama in a tradition that dates back decades.
Published March 2020
DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.