Inspirational Film Fails To Inspire

DENVER, CO – Despite the viewing of 220 “inspirational” films where the underdogs become victorious, The Colorado Rockies lost the World Series in four straight games to the much better Boston Red Sox.


Local Boy Wishes Things Were Like They Used to Be

OMAHA, NE – Staring out the window of his home, seven-year-old Billy Tanner, sits silently, sipping his strawberry lemonade thinking about how good things used to be, back when things were simpler.


Teen Commemorating Cobain’s Suicide with Terrible Song

SEATTLE, WA – Local 17-year-old, Jakob Custors, is commemorating the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s suicide by writing a terrible song.


Boy Sure He Has Ebola, Should Stay Home From School

DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.


Consumer Reports Releases Top "Must Have" Toys

CHICAGO, IL – Even though this holiday season is supposed to be a retailer’s worst nightmare, Consumer Reports has unveiled its list of the 10 hottest toys that are flying off shelves all over the country. Since the terrorist attacks in September combined with the already sluggish economy, analysts have been predicting the usual fevered spending in the months prior to Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa would be at an all time low. The toy report is expected to help kick start the economy, making this a fruitful season for everyone in the retail industry.


High School Coach Dislikes Kid for No Reason

PARKER, CO – Local high school football coach doesn’t like high school athlete Kyle McDavid for no apparent reason.


Jesus Loses Series For Giants

LOS ANGELES, CA – Shortly after game seven of the 2002 World Series ended, Jesus Christ made it official; he hates the San Francisco Giants. Despite prayers and sacrifices by both players and fans, Christ punished the Giants and was the cause of their failure to beat cross state rivals the Anaheim Angles.


Eminem, Jimmy Carter Square Off With Accusations

LOS ANGELES, CA – The war of words between current Rap bestseller Eminem and former President of the United States Jimmy Carter escalated this week as both released new singles taking verbal jabs at the other.


Beth Sinclair: New Summer Fashion Is Ugly

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Well boys and girls, it’s that time of year again. The time when a young man’s thoughts turn to desire and the beautiful only get beautifuler. Yup, it’s summer, and I for one haven’t been this excited for a season sine the 1990 baseball season when that saucy Lenny Dykstra was playing for the New York Mets. Let me tell you, that summer I watched that little firecracker play while I played my own little baseball game, in my crotch! But enough about my teen years, lets get to the business at hand, and that business is summer trends.


Players Suing NFL for Concussions and… uh…

CANTON, OH – Several former NFL stars gathered during a press conference earlier this week to announce a new lawsuit against the NFL “because… um… the concussions… and…”

“Players in the NFL face a very real threat to their health due to the NFL’s policies and practices regarding player safety,” said former Dallas Cowboys star running back, Emmitt Smith. “Players who take numerous… um… hits… and… uh… yeah. We… um.”


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