BOISE, ID – A bag boy at a local Fred Myers grocery store stated that he is a “rebel” and he doesn’t “care about nothing, especially work.”
IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The Galactic Empire is reeling after the release of several sensitive documents on the website Wikileaks including plans and defense systems of the Death Star space station.
“(The leaking of sensitive information) is something that I never foresaw,” said Emperor Palpatine. “Never did I feel that a betrayal like this would occur. The Dark Side is strong, but not strong enough to see this coming.”
IRVING, TX – Seemingly overnight, the once quite neighborhood of Willow Estates has erupted in violence as the Willow Estates Home Owners Association has declared war on a small band of rebels led by resident Richard Sterty. Tensions have been escalating in the area since Sterty’s arrival 6 months ago and have now reached a boiling point.
TUCSON, AZ – Just five minutes after meeting his new roommates, University of Arizona Freshman Mark Jacobs knew this would be the best semester of his life. Jacobs immediately felt confident that the diverse backgrounds and ethnicities of his roommates, Rufream Arnold, Mike Oh, and Will Morales, was sure to bring about wild adventures and crazy parties.
Washington, DC – The Senate has passed President Bush’s new domestic spying legislation which will allow the National Security Agency more freedom in gathering information – specifically from women ages 18-25.
LOS ANGELES, CA – Friends and family of Jesus Christ are confirming recent internet reports that the Christian icon has converted to Scientology. The shift in religious philosophy has come as a shock to Christians all over the world.