Published February 2009
A MOUNTAIN, PAKISTAN – Pundit and world famous terrorist Osama bin Laden has announced his support for Republican Mike Huckabee as the Republican Presidential nominee.
Published June 2011
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Republicans begins picking their Presidential candidate, one person is very rapidly becoming the front-runner: the Roman god of wealth.
Published December 2012
WASHINGTON, DC – With the presidential election well in the past, most republican Christians are relieved that they can finally go back to being skeptical and suspicious of Mormons.
Published November 2014
WASHINGTON, DC – After reviewing reports of recent setbacks, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus, has said he will soon authorize the use of troops and drones in the party’s war on women.
“No single battle has been a catastrophic loss but as these little failures start to pile up… women begin gaining confidence and we simply cannot have that,” said Priebus.
Published July 2017
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senate Republicans are trying to push through a new heath care bill that was written earlier today on a bar napkin.
Published September 2008
CHARLOTTESVILLE, OH – Manufacturers are working feverishly on an upgrade to the software installed in the SkyNet Cyborg model XX1331, more commonly referred to as Governor Sarah Palin. The Republican Party is putting pressure on SkyNet to resolve a number of issues as the party is becoming less and less happy with its recent purchase of a Palin.
Published January 2008
WASHINGTON, DC – With no clear front-runner for the Republican Presidential candidate, several GOP members have called a back-up plan into action and have reanimated former President Ronald Reagan.
Published January 2012
WASHINGTON, DC – As the Republican Party struggles to identify a viable presidential candidate, party leaders have summoned the Council of Nine.
The Council of Nine, an ancient and powerful order of Republican leaders, will now convene to pick, or if need be, conjure, a new Presidential candidate.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” said Republican strategist Gabriel Henderson.
Published September 2012
WASHINGTON, DC – Republican’s in Congress are scrambling to pass a new law before the upcoming presidential election that will allow dead people to vote.
If passed, the new voting law will allow a church representative of the dead to cast a vote on their behalf.
“We firmly believe that all people should vote, even people that are no longer with us. Of course I’m talking about dead people,” said Cory Gardner, Republican from Colorado.
Published March 2014
WASHINGTON, DC – Republican members of congress have condemned a science project from 4th grader Jakob Bistrup that hypothesizes too much heat and not enough water can kill plants.