Father Doesn't Find Daily Show Funny

LITTLE ROCK, AR – A local father of two, Edgar Glen, has told his family that he doesn’t see what’s so great or funny about The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.


Limbaugh Can’t Remember Why He Hates Minorities

PALM BEACH, FL – Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has admitted that he can no longer remember why he hates Democrats, poor people and minorities.


Local Man’s Life Validated by Appearance on Jumbotron

DENVER, CO – A lifetime of silliness was validated last week when local man Christopher Meens finally appeared on the Jumbotron during a Colorado Avalanche hockey game.


Rich, White Men Sick of Being Outed as Racists

LOS ANGELES, CA –Rich, white men from across the country say they are getting sick and tired of being exposed as racists.

“I’m sick and damn tired of people finding out that I’m a racist! I can’t even use the ‘N’ word in the privacy of my own house anymore,” said millionaire Roderick Bennington. “What good is having all of this money if you can’t undermine and subjugate those you perceive as being less than you?”


Vacation Ready Supreme Court Issues “First Born” Ruling

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a pre-vacation ruling, the Supreme Court has issued one of its most controversial rulings, upholding Comcast’s right to demand customer’s first-born children as payment.


Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.


Canada to Build Canadian Theme Park

MONTREAL, QC – Inspired by the recent opening of Disney’s California Adventure theme park, the Canadian Tourism Commission has unveiled plans for a Canadian themed amusement park. The park, located just north of Montreal will feature rides and exhibits highlighting the Canadian “way of life.”


Beth Sinclair: 2005 Oscar picks

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my fervent fans, it is I, Beth Sinclair here to dish all that is fit to be dished. Wow, it seems like it has been almost forever since I got to talk to all my little children. If my memory serves me correctly, and I’m pretty sure it does, I was just a fresh faced young virgin the last time I wrote a column. Yeah right! You all should know me better than that. But seriously, I have been busy as a prostitute at a Star Trek Convention giving freebies to all the virgins who are over 30.


Congress Passes Laws Aimed at Stopping Santa

WASHINGTON, DC – Despite protests from the North Pole and Keep Christmas Free, Congress passed a set of new laws aimed at reducing Santa Claus’ role in Christmas.

Under the new laws, presents can no longer be delivered by chimney, reindeer can not fly within 300 miles of a major metropolitan area and if stopped by police, Santa Claus must provide documentation proving his legal authority to travel within the United States.


Corporation Crushes Local Menace

GURBER, AZ – The small town of Gruber, Ariz. was rescued this week from a menace that has plagued the quiet, mountain community for nearly 60 years. Corporate juggernaut Barnes and Noble Booksellers, much to the relief of the citizens, snuffed out the strong-arm business tactics of Blank Page Book Store once and for all.


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