Companies Utilizing Ninjas To Meet Security Needs

SEATTLE, WA – In an effort to improve efficiency and reduce costs, many U.S. companies have begun turning to ninjas to meet security needs. Ninjas, mythical warriors from Japan are in hot demand these days as companies have realized how versatile an asset the ninja can be when used in security functions.


Bush Offers Alternative Social Security Plan: Bet It All On Black

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the debate about the future of Social Security reaching a boiling point, President Bush announced a new plan late last week that was immediately accepted by both parties.


NSA to Offer Aura Scans, Readings at Nation’s Airports

WASHINGTON, DC – Airline passengers traveling this holiday season will soon get a little extra from their trip through security as the National Security Agency will soon be offering aura scans.


White House Staff Reveal New Year's Resolutions

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Like many other Americans, President Trump and his staff have made New Year’s resolutions.


New Homeland Security Terror Alert Scale Unveiled

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Department of Homeland Security convened late last month to reevaluate the Terror Alert Scale due to widespread confusion among the American public. At the close of the meeting a new scale had been created which its creators hope will be much easier for the general public to understand.


Terrorist Pigs Unleash Germ Attack on U.S.

JUAREZ, MEXICO – South American pigs have released a deadly, genetic terrorist attack on the world in the form of a swine flu virus. To date, over 150 people have died from the attack and another several thousand have contracted the disease.
Shortly after reports of the attack began to appear, the leader of the Animalism Swine Liberation Force released a video taking credit for the attack.


Senate Approves New Methods For Spying

Washington, DC – The Senate has passed President Bush’s new domestic spying legislation which will allow the National Security Agency more freedom in gathering information – specifically from women ages 18-25.


Report: Mexico Violence at Lethal Weapon 3 Levels

TUCSON, AZ – According to a recent report released by the White House, the violence in Mexico border towns has reached “Lethal Weapon 3” levels – the highest level of violence seen in Mexico since 1972.


Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking

NORTH POLE – For the 59th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.


Osama Bin Laden To Get Coal In His Stocking

NORTH POLE – For the 60th year in a row, Osama bin Ladin will receive a chunk of coal in his stocking. Santa Claus announced the decision during a C-SPAN interview last week.


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