Twitter Outage Stops Teen’s Communication

CINCINNATI, OH – A Twitter outage has prevented local teen Dakota Lundstrom from communicating with her friends about her love of waffles.


OnStar Offering Subscribers Several New Services

DETROIT, MI – To increase subscribers, the driver assistance system OnStar will be unveiling several new features aimed at easing the life of drivers world wide. One of the first new systems to be implemented will be a service to help drivers identify good, out-of-the-way places to bury dead bodies.


Mormon Church Unveils Transportation Service for Party Goers

BOISE, ID – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has started offering a new driver service, similar to Uber and Lyft, aimed specifically at people planning to drink large amounts of alcohol.


Smokey The Bear In Custody

PORTLAND, OR – The hunt for one of America’s most well known bears came to an end last Thursday after a stand off that lasted nearly 10 hours. For the last three weeks, the combined forces of the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Forest Service have searched nationwide for Smokey the Bear. Smokey is accused of setting forest fires in Arizona, Utah and Oregon.


MCI To Replace Entire Sales Force With Cute Children

ENGLEWOOD, CO – In a surprising and risky move, the telecommunication company MCI has decided to replace its entire sales workforce with children ranging from ages six to eight-years-old.


Feature Adds Spouse’s Voice to Tom Tom GPS

AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS – Tom Tom has unveiled a new feature to its voice guided GPS navigation system that will allow customers to load the voice of their spouse into the device to make for a more “familiar” driving experience.

This new service will be called Voice Voice and will be available in the next generation of Tom Tom GPS navigation devices beginning early next year.


Supreme Court Legalizes Polygamy with Hot Wives

WASHINGTON, DC – In an unexpected move, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that polygamy will be declared legal as long as certain requirements are met. Among the requirements are stipulations that only men can have multiple wives, the wives must be hot and each wife is expected to service the man sexually whenever he wants or needs it.


Associated Press Releases News Article Templates

NEW YORK, NY – In order to expedite reporting in the internet age, the Associated Press has approved and released templates to be used for reoccurring stories.


Military To Freeze New Recruit's Loved Ones

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In preparation for the anticipated troop build-up President Bush recently promised the United States armed forces are considering new enlistment incentives to raise the total number of troops available for deployment.


Texan Testing Canadian's Patience

VANCOUVER, BC – A tourist from Texas is testing a Canadian waiter’s patience and politeness.


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