White Guy Gets Chinese Character Tattoo

TAMPA BAY, FL – A local Caucasian man has added a tattoo to his back consisting of several Chinese characters that are supposed to represent the words “extreme” and “radical.”


Minecraft Players Can Win Chance to Work in Real Mine

SAN LEANARDO, CA – Hoping to bring in new players, Microsoft, the company behind the popular Minecraft game are offering a promotion where Minecraft players can win the opportunity to work in an actual mine.


Leary Transmits LSD Through the Internet

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Earlier this month, friends and family of the late Timothy Leary, noted drug enthusiast, uncovered one of Leary’s journals, one that holds what the man had been studying in the days before his tragic death. Discussed in the journal was a theory that LSD, Leary’s drug of choice, could be transmitted electronically over phone lines and introduced to the body through the user’s mouse.


Guy Won’t Stop Talking About John Mayer

MADISON, WI – At a New Year’s party, local man Jerome Beeg would not talk about anything other than the time he met John Mayer in an elevator much to the chagrin of other party goers.


Snowstorm Forces Man to Reevaluate His Relationship

EUGENE, OR – A recent snowstorm has forced a local man to think about how much he really like the woman he is currently dating.


Local Man Serious About End-of-the-World Bucket List

CASPER, WY – A local man told friends and family this week that he is ready to get serious about his bucket list.


Crowd Indifferent to Hype Man

ORLANDO, FL – The crowd gathered outside the Orlando Metro Promenade remained indifferent to the hype man hired by Hot Streak nightclub to draw in customers.


After Long Winter, Dow Jones Plans to Get High

MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.


Olympic Snowboarders Pretend They are Real Athletes

BOULDER, CO – Snowboarders around the world are getting ready to pretend they are actual athletes as they prepare for next month’s Winter Olympics.


Inspirational Film Fails To Inspire

DENVER, CO – Despite the viewing of 220 “inspirational” films where the underdogs become victorious, The Colorado Rockies lost the World Series in four straight games to the much better Boston Red Sox.


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