House Cats Have Begun Stealing Human Souls

BOSTON, MA – House cats have begun stealing human souls as part of the final phase of their plan to conquer Earth.


Bill Gates Buys Bible

SEATTLE, WA – At a press conference earlier this week Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and worlds most wealthy human, announced that he has acquired the publishing rights for the worlds all time best-selling book; the Bible.


Beth Sinclair: Have the Perfect Thanksgiving Diner

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hello all my shining little readers, it is I, Beth Sinclair and boy do I have things to tell you! It seems like forever ago that I got to talk to all my little Beth-heads out there.


Church Marquee Causes Mass Confusion Among Members

CANTON, TX – A marquee outside the Christ Church of Canton has caused confusion among much of the church’s parishioners.


Local Man's Girlfriend Seems Distant, Evasive

TEMPE, AZ – Network Consultant Steven J. Welsly expressed concerns to friends and family earlier this month that his current girlfriend, Carol Collins, is becoming more and more distant despite his efforts to advance the relationship.


Resolutions Made in Vain

HIGHLANDS RANCH, CO – For the fifth year in a row, Jim and Rhonda Barber compiled a list of New Year’s Resolutions which, despite the couple’s best efforts, will most likely not be kept. The ritual, performed December 31, has been carried out by the couple every year since their marriage in 1993 and no resolutions have ever lasted the entire year.


Local Man Pulls Life Support From Wife in Pinterest Coma

BISMARCK, ND – After months of debating, soul searching and consulting with family members, local man Dean Weebers has decided to pull his wife, who is in a Pinterest coma, of life support.


Subway Sandwich Artist Aspires To Be Real Artist

JOPLIN, MO – Like most aspiring artists, Ben Candrel simply wants to be recognized and appreciated for his work, his creations. Between the hours of 11 AM and 7 PM, Candrel is a Subway Sandwich artist and according to his boss Jake Birch, the best sandwich artist “this side of the Mississip’.”


Local Man’s Life Validated by Appearance on Jumbotron

DENVER, CO – A lifetime of silliness was validated last week when local man Christopher Meens finally appeared on the Jumbotron during a Colorado Avalanche hockey game.


Passing of A Legend

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – In a year marked by the deaths of sports legends Joe Dimaggio, Wilt Chamberlain, and Walter Payton, the most recent professional athlete to pass away is Former New York Yankee outfielder Leslie ‘Shep’ Shepardson, 64, at a strip club outside of Colorado Springs, Co.


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