Study Finds Space Smells Bad

HOUSTON, TX – On Tuesday, NASA announced that data collected on the latest space shuttle Discovery mission reveals that while space may be an infinite vacuum, it does have a distinctive smell.


$900 Million Movie Footage Destroyed

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The footage for the 900 million dollar movie “Touching Orion’s Belt,” was lost as the spacecraft that filmed the movie caught fire while traveling through Earth’s atmosphere.


Mexico Ready To Join Space Race

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO – Earlier this week, a representative from the Mexican Government stunned the world with his announcement of Mexico’s plan to compete with the U.S. and Russia in space exploration.
The announcement, held outside of the Presidential palace, held about it a aura of joy and wonder.
“We feel that it is time that our attention was turned to the skies,” Juan Sanchez, Special Aid to the President, said.


U.S. Treasury To Sell Ad Space On Money, Flag

WASHINGTON, DC – In order to help alleviate the National debt and pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush has singed a law allowing for advertising space to be made available on U.S. currency and on the U.S. flag.


Wikileaks Releases Top Secret Death Stars Plans

IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The Galactic Empire is reeling after the release of several sensitive documents on the website Wikileaks including plans and defense systems of the Death Star space station.

“(The leaking of sensitive information) is something that I never foresaw,” said Emperor Palpatine. “Never did I feel that a betrayal like this would occur. The Dark Side is strong, but not strong enough to see this coming.”


Disney Releasing Alt-Right Edit of The Last Jedi

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hoping to win back white, male Star Wars fans, Disney is releasing a new edit of The Last Jedi with all non-white, male characters removed.


GI Joe Video Cassettes, Maps Found In Afghanistan Cave

GERESK, AFGHANISTAN – A recent discovery in an abandoned cave in northern Afghanistan is causing some “uncomfortable feelings” in the White House.


High Gas Prices Hurting America’s Serial Killers

FARGO, ND – In a world where high gas prices are gouging most Americans pocketbooks, one of America’s oldest and proudest professions is struggling to adapt -serial killers.

With gas prices topping five dollars in many states, serial killers are now having to find, kill and bury their victims much closer to home, increasing the risk of being caught by law enforcement.


Jesus Christ Distancing Himself From Tim Tebow

NEW YORK, NY – As Tim Tebow’s NFL career looks to be in jeopardy, one time fan Jesus Christ has begun distancing himself from the football player.


Leary Transmits LSD Through the Internet

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Earlier this month, friends and family of the late Timothy Leary, noted drug enthusiast, uncovered one of Leary’s journals, one that holds what the man had been studying in the days before his tragic death. Discussed in the journal was a theory that LSD, Leary’s drug of choice, could be transmitted electronically over phone lines and introduced to the body through the user’s mouse.


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