Adult Stores Struggle with Inventories as Social Distancing Eases

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Adult stores across the country are dealing with inventory issues as Americans become vaccinated against COVID-19 and the need for social distancing is rapidly decreasing.


A The Rock from the future appeared in Times Square to warn the people of earth about the horrors of the year 2020.

Future Version of The Rock Appears to Warn World of 2020

NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.


Prospective home buys are looking for homes with offices instead of sex dungeons.

Home Owners Opting for Home Offices Instead of Home Sex Dungeons

SEATTLE, WA – A new report from Zillow states that “home office” has replaced “sex dungeon” as the number one search phrase entered by users looking for a new home.


Artist’s rendering of the new War on Christmas monument featuring a white, Christian male yelling “Merry Christmas” at non-Christians.

Trump Approves New War on Christmas Monument

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has approved the commission and construction of a new national monument to honor the lives lost in the War on Christmas.


The Senate hopes to vote on a new health care bill, written on a napkin, in the next few days.

Senate Looking to Pass Health Care Bill Written on Napkin

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senate Republicans are trying to push through a new heath care bill that was written earlier today on a bar napkin.


Ohio Changes Voting Laws to Prevent Voter Fraud

COLUMBUS, OH – The Ohio State Senate has approved sweeping changes to voting laws including requiring voters to have a gold-plated voter ID card.


Women Panic as Starbucks Pulls Pumpkin Spice Latte

SEATTLE, WA – White women across the country are in a state of panic as Starbucks has announced they will be discontinuing the popular Pumpkin Spice Latte, just weeks before the drink was to go on sale.


Retailers Release Designer Appliances for Mother’s Day

NEW YORK, NY – Just in time for Mother’s Day, several top designers have come out with new lines of products developed to appeal more to the modern woman.


USA Snowboarder Reilly Webber will spend the next several days learning how to pretend to be an actual athlete.

Olympic Snowboarders Pretend They are Real Athletes

BOULDER, CO – Snowboarders around the world are getting ready to pretend they are actual athletes as they prepare for next month’s Winter Olympics.


Beth Sinclair: Summer Movie Preview

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Ho! Ly! Cow people! It seems like it has been for ever since I wrote a column for you guys. I know! I’ve missed you too.


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