Frito-Lay Sued for Making America Fat

CHICAGO, IL – Taking a cue from the recent barrage of lawsuits against tobacco companies, Gary Brown, 47, has filed a lawsuit of his own against a company he feels has deceived him.


Hollywood Adopts New Affirmative Action rules

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Studio executives from Warner Brothers Studios have announced they will adopt a new affirmative action policy on all projects in the future and those currently in production.


Protesters Protest Amount of Bookstore Protest

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – With the opening of a new Barnes and Noble bookstore, a small group of area residents have come out to protest the amount of people protesting the corporation’s debut in the small mountain community.


Kansas Schools Drop Math, Science

LAWRENCE, KS – Kansas State Education officials again shocked the education world this week by announcing that it will remove all Math, Science and Social studies related materials from its classrooms due to both moral and funding reasons.


Jesus Sues Mormons Over Name

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Jesus Christ revealed earlier this week his intentions of pursuing legal action against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for illegal use of his name and image. Although speculation has been rampant for months, Christ made the decision public during a benefit for St. Luke’s Memorial Hospital Children’s Burn Ward.


Ad For Used Car Touted As "Best Deal Ever"

OLYMPIA, WA – Representatives from the Consumer Reports Magazine are calling the Washington Sentinel Classifieds’ ad for a used car, “The best deal ever.” The three line add for an ’81 Toyota Supra was listed on February 23 and immediately had major automakers scrambling to head off what certainly could be the end of the auto industry as we know it.


Waiter Asked To Be "More Gay"

INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Associates of Wilson McMichaels have put the openly gay Chili’s waiter on notice for failure to meet “funny-flaming-gay-man” expectations. The notice, issued late last week, is stated to be a result of McMichaels decidedly “non-gay” appearance and personality.


Area Man Responsible for Violence, Sex in Movies

IRVINE, CA – With pressure from the government and religious groups mounting, Hollywood executives and filmmakers are now blaming the amount of violence and sexual content in movies on Orange County resident Steve Prost. In a formal statement issued jointly by the Screen Actors Guild and executives of Warner Brothers, Dreamworks and Paramount Pictures, Prost is listed as the primary cause for the success of recent violent films including “Matrix” and “Gladiator.”


Tattoo Sends Student on Rampage

AMES, IA – Approximately 20 minutes after applying a temporary tattoo, 9-yerar-old Joshua Kelley went on what witnesses describe as “a thug-like rampage of destruction and complete disregard for his fellow students.”


Bush Unveils Energy Plan

WASHINGTON, DC – With months of debate and crisis behind him, President George W. Bush unveiled his energy plan, which he says “will serve imminent relief to people and their stuff.” The plan is controversial and as anticipated, democrats in the house and senate are already lining up against the bill.


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