Newspaper's 900th Story Doesn't Live Up to Hype

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 900th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper


Gavin Crusher forgot to run the dishwasher even though he was reminded by his wife to do so.

Local Man Didn't Run Dishwasher Like He Was Supposed To

HENDERSON, NV – Local Man, Gavin Crusher, forgot to run the dishwasher probably because of a Pokémon videogame.


The FDA has categorized Taco Bell items under a new "Fewd" category.

FDA Adds New “Fewd” Category for Taco Bell Menu Items

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Food and Drug Administration announced this week that it has created a new product category, “fewd,” to describe items found on Taco Bell’s menu.


Fox News television personality Tucker Carlson told his viewers to drink bull semen to increase their testosterone.

Tucker Carlson Suggests Drinking Bull Semen to Increase Testosterone

NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.


Lifting mask mandates has made it difficult for people to identify jerks.

Lifting Mask Mandates Makes It Difficult to Identify Jerks

DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.


God said he will no longer leave his children in charge when he takes a vacation.

God Apologizes for Leaving His Kids in Charge Last Seven Years

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.


A new law in Texas will make it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable.

Texas Law Makes It Illegal to Make a White Man Uncomfortable

AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott has signed a new law that makes it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable in any way.


Local Man Reveals He Is A Russian Foreign Policy Expert

BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.


New Swiffer Lets People Clean Using Their Pets

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.


Brooks Brothers new line of work from home clothing will offer customers comfort and easy access to genitals.

Brooks Brothers Releases New Work From Home Line

NEW YORK, NY – Brooks Brothers has unveiled a new line of clothes designed for men who work from home but still want to present themselves as professional on video conference calls.


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