Trump Wearing Home-made Toilet Paper Sash, Crown

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.


In Face of Shortage, FDA Offers Turkey Alternatives

ATLANTA, GA – In the wake of a national shortage of turkeys, the FDA in conjunction with the American Farmers Association has released a list of turkey alternatives for the upcoming holiday season.


Secret Shopper Gunned Down After Failed Mission

CINCINNATI, OH – After a short and relatively uneventful two years undercover as a secret shopper, Cincinnati resident Linda Newport, was exposed and immediately terminated by the Secret Shopper Information Agency.


Bush, Gore Team with WWF

STAMFORD, CT – For the first time in United States history, Presidential candidates will not only square off in a series of televised debates but also in the wrestling ring.


Nice Gift at White Elephant Exchange Ruins Party

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.


Wisconsin Passes New, Indentured Labor Laws

MADISON, WI – The Wisconsin State Legislature has passed new laws that Governor Scott Walker says will “make the Wisconsin work force more attractive to companies.” The laws will allow companies to pay workers in credit, charge for the use of equipment, and allow companies to chain workers to workstations.

“We’ve ensured that every company will have employees that are… forced to work for them” said Senator Lena Taylor.


California Institutes New Rules for Water Use

SACREMENTO, CA – As the drought continues, the state government of California has issued new laws and policies to conserve water and reduce strain on rivers and aquifers.


Cute Little Puppy Takes Over as New BP CEO

LONDON, ENGLAND – Faced with a public relations nightmare after an oil rig exploded killing 11 and causing millions of barrels of oil to leak into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has replaced its CEO with Buttons, a Black Labrador puppy.

The move comes only weeks after former CEO Tony Hayward stepped down following the Gulf of Mexico disaster. Hayward was replaced by Bob Dudley, who in turn has been replaced by Buttons.


Senate Approves New Methods For Spying

Washington, DC – The Senate has passed President Bush’s new domestic spying legislation which will allow the National Security Agency more freedom in gathering information – specifically from women ages 18-25.


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