A new law in Texas will make it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable.

Texas Law Makes It Illegal to Make a White Man Uncomfortable

AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott has signed a new law that makes it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable in any way.


Beth Sinclair: COVID-19 Thanksgiving Tips

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!


President Donald Trump has been wearing a home-made sash constructed out of toilet paper, a paper crown from Burger King, and carrying a scepter fashioned from a toilet brush.

Trump Wearing Home-made Toilet Paper Sash, Crown

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has begun wearing a hand-made sash and a paper crown around the White House as well as some official events.


Nice Gift at White Elephant Exchange Ruins Party

MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.


California Institutes New Rules for Water Use

SACREMENTO, CA – As the drought continues, the state government of California has issued new laws and policies to conserve water and reduce strain on rivers and aquifers.


In Face of Shortage, FDA Offers Turkey Alternatives

ATLANTA, GA – In the wake of a national shortage of turkeys, the FDA in conjunction with the American Farmers Association has released a list of turkey alternatives for the upcoming holiday season.


Wisconsin Passes New, Indentured Labor Laws

MADISON, WI – The Wisconsin State Legislature has passed new laws that Governor Scott Walker says will “make the Wisconsin work force more attractive to companies.” The laws will allow companies to pay workers in credit, charge for the use of equipment, and allow companies to chain workers to workstations.

“We’ve ensured that every company will have employees that are… forced to work for them” said Senator Lena Taylor.


Cute Little Puppy Takes Over as New BP CEO

LONDON, ENGLAND – Faced with a public relations nightmare after an oil rig exploded killing 11 and causing millions of barrels of oil to leak into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has replaced its CEO with Buttons, a Black Labrador puppy.

The move comes only weeks after former CEO Tony Hayward stepped down following the Gulf of Mexico disaster. Hayward was replaced by Bob Dudley, who in turn has been replaced by Buttons.


Senate Approves New Methods For Spying

Washington, DC – The Senate has passed President Bush’s new domestic spying legislation which will allow the National Security Agency more freedom in gathering information – specifically from women ages 18-25.


Secret Shopper Gunned Down After Failed Mission

CINCINNATI, OH – After a short and relatively uneventful two years undercover as a secret shopper, Cincinnati resident Linda Newport, was exposed and immediately terminated by the Secret Shopper Information Agency.


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