Published February 2011
DALLAS, TX – To increase gay awareness, gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride.
Published September 2004
HOUSTON, TX – A recent survey by Car & Truck magazine concluded that there exists an indirect relation between the lift in a truck and the size of the owner’s penis – meaning that as the size of the lift increases, the penis size decreases. Although the relationship had been previously speculated by much of the American population, the survey marks the first documented evidence of the correlation.
Published May 2007
DOVER, CT – After suffering humiliation and disappointment through most of his life, construction worker Glen Sanford has been given a reprieve and granted almost limitless power. Recently hired as a Traffic Controller for a construction project, Sanford can now control traffic with a mere flick of the wrist.
Published February 2009
ARVADA, CO – According to neighborhood parents, the mother of Julia DeNovi is a total slut.
Published August 2008
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of the stagnant economy and the upcoming presidential election, current President George W. Bush has announced a new economic package that will give every American that casts a vote for John McCain a $1,000 tax refund check.
Published September 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.
Published July 2002
WASHINGTON, DC – During his weekly radio address to the nation, President Bush unveiled his Homeland Security Plan stating that “this plan will protect Americans from shore to shore – and all those people in between. Unless of course you are a terrorist, then you won’t be safe.”
Published March 2015
CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.
Published June 1999
FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ. – A new study just released from Northern Arizona University reveals that repeatedly hitting oneself on the head with a heavy, solid object may in fact be harmful to one’s health.
Published September 1999
SEATTLE, WA – At a press conference earlier this week Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and worlds most wealthy human, announced that he has acquired the publishing rights for the worlds all time best-selling book; the Bible.