Report: Mexico Violence at Lethal Weapon 3 Levels

TUCSON, AZ – According to a recent report released by the White House, the violence in Mexico border towns has reached “Lethal Weapon 3” levels – the highest level of violence seen in Mexico since 1972.


Study Identifies Domestic Violence Factors

IOWA CITY, IA – After a five-year, comprehensive study on the causes of domestic violence, researches at the University of Iowa have released a list of the most common reasons that spawn violent attacks within the home.


Experts: Violence in Syria Probably Has a Simple Cause

DAMASCUS, SYRIA – As the blood shed continues in Syria, experts on Middle East politics have begun to identify a number of possible reasons for the escalation in violence.


Animal Rights Group Protests Violence in Looney Tunes

LOS ANGELES, CA – An animal rights group has begun protesting outside of Warner Brothers Studios demanding the immediate stop of all animal cruelty in its productions, including the popular Looney Tunes cartoons.


Ziggy Artists Hurt as Cartoon Sparked Violence Reaches U.S.

CINCINNATI, OH – The recent wave of cartoon provoked violence has reached the United States as cartoonist Tom Wilson, the cartoonist responsible for the Ziggy cartoon, was rushed to a hospital for injuries received in an apparent attack. A group calling themselves People Against Shitty-ass Cartoons That Suck, or PASCTS, have claimed responsibility for the attack.


Area Man Responsible for Violence, Sex in Movies

IRVINE, CA – With pressure from the government and religious groups mounting, Hollywood executives and filmmakers are now blaming the amount of violence and sexual content in movies on Orange County resident Steve Prost. In a formal statement issued jointly by the Screen Actors Guild and executives of Warner Brothers, Dreamworks and Paramount Pictures, Prost is listed as the primary cause for the success of recent violent films including “Matrix” and “Gladiator.”


Local Woman Completely Understands African Crisis

CLEVELAND, OH – A local woman has told her co-workers that she understands, better than anyone else she knows, the current crisis in Kenya because her friend’s nanny is from South Africa.


Local Man Surprised to Hear Libya Still at War

MEMPHIS, TN – A local man was surprised to hear that the internal conflict in Libya has not been resolved. After hearing a friend mention recent violence in Libya, Jerry Noones said “Libya? I thought that was all done with.”


Study: Everything is Everyone Else’s Fault

CHICAGO, MD – A recent survey conducted by the University of Chicago School of Sociology shows that almost 100% of Americans are 100% sure all that everything “bad” is everyone else’s fault.

The survey was conducted late last month and included responses from more than one million Americans.


Christ Rallies Supports Against Health Care Laws

BETHESDA, MD – At a rally just outside of Bethesda, Jesus Christ announced to a gathered crowd of more than 35,000 that he wants the recently passed Health Care Reform legislation repealed.
“This so-called ‘health reform’ is illegal and un-American,” said Christ. “Obama and his team of communists have forced health care down our throats. This isn’t what I teach!”


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