Old Man Winter exposes himself to a woman outside of Helsinki.

Odd Weather Has Old Man Winter’s Friends and Family Concerned He May be Using Drugs

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.


Scientists believe climate change may be caused by a single thermostat set to a very hot temperature.

Global Warming Traced to Florida Grandmother's Thermostat

BOCA RATON, FL – Scientist have traced climate change, specifically global warming, to a grandmother’s thermostat in Florida.


President Donald Trump required assistance after he stuck his tongue to a frozen metal pole in the White House rose garden.

Trump Gets Tongue Stuck to Frozen Metal Pole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump required assistance this week after getting his tongue stuck to a metal pole in the White House rose garden.


Authorities in Florida are trying to determine how a ferret was able to purchase 23 gallons of chocolate milk.

Authorities Investigating Why Ferret Bought 23 Gallons of Chocolate Milk

ORLANDO, FL – Both police and animal control officers are looking in to a recent report that a ferret has purchased over 23 gallons of chocolate milk from a local grocery store.


God has admitted that the recent winter storm that brought large amounts of snow and cold weather to much of the U.S. was a result of not paying attention to specific details of a child's prayer.

God Admits Nation-wide Snow Storm a Result of Not Listening to Prayer Details

DENVER, CO – After recent snowstorms wreaked havoc in cities across the country, God has apologized saying he made the decision to create the winter storms after “half listening to some eight-year-old’s prayer.”


Hoping to die at the onset of a pending nuclear war, many Americans are moving to cities that are possible targets by North Korea and China.

Americans Moving to Areas Likely Targeted During Nuclear War

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – According to recent census data, Americans are flocking to large cities, specifically ones that are likely targets during a nuclear attack.
“Since the 2016 election, we’ve seen a sharp increase in people moving to cities that would be targeted first in a nuclear attack,” said U.S. Census Bureau representative, Kelly Zhou. “Cities like Los Angeles, New York, Washington D.C., Seattle – those cities are seeing a huge influx of people hoping to die right away when we end up in a nuclear war.”


Snowstorm Forces Man to Reevaluate His Relationship

EUGENE, OR – A recent snowstorm has forced a local man to think about how much he really like the woman he is currently dating.


Sex dungeons are this year's hot house remodeling trend.

Sex Dungeons: New House Remodeling Trend

TRENTON, NJ – As summer begins, so does the season of home renovations. The cold weather is gone and home owners across the country will begin heading to hardware stores for the supplies to make needed or wanted improvements to their homes.

According to Home Re-Do Magazine’s editor Glenda Hershet, this year’s most popular home improvement project is the addition of a sex dungeon.


Due to global warming, Inuit people are finding themselves in need of new words to describe "hot."

Eskimos Creating 50 Words to Describe “Hot”

IQALUIT, Canada – Inuit people, also known as Eskimos, have more than more than 50 words to describe snow but thanks to rising temperatures and they have been working to create 50 words to describe heat.

“We never needed a word for the not cold because it doesn’t get not cold here. We have words for fire and cooking and what you feel when you rub a penis and vagina together, but we had nothing for the concept of not cold as related to weather,” said Inuit Elder Ma’hai Kunik.


Networks Unveil New Shows for Fall Television Season

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.


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