Student Wondering Why Acid Hasn’t Kicked In Yet

BOISE, ID – A local college student is wondering why the acid he took earlier hasn’t kicked in yet.

“I’m starting to kinda freak out about it, you know?” said Blake Harper.


Renowned Witches Endorse Christine O’Donnell for Senate

NEWARK, DELAWARE – In what is being described as a major coup, many prominent witches have given their endorsement to Delaware Senate hopeful, Christine O’Donnell.


After Long Winter, Dow Jones Plans to Get High

MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.


Colorado Opens Weed Themed Amusement Park

DENVER, CO – Thanks to the popularity and profitability of legalized pot, Colorado will soon be getting a new marijuana themed, adult amusement park named Mile High Funtown 420.

“Pot is huge in Colorado so it just makes sense to build on that popularity and open a pot-themed amusement park. And really, when you are high, the only thing you want to do is go to an amusement park. That’s a fact,” said Mile High Funtown 420 CEO, Rebecca Matthews.


Breakthrough: 4:20 Not Best Time to Get High

BOSTON, MA – Researchers from the biology department of Boston College have released the results of an exhaustive experiment on the effect marijuana has on the human body and mind. The experiment, conducted from May 1994 to December 2000, was the largest such experiment of its kind, and the results have the conductors very excited.


Local Man’s Life Validated by Appearance on Jumbotron

DENVER, CO – A lifetime of silliness was validated last week when local man Christopher Meens finally appeared on the Jumbotron during a Colorado Avalanche hockey game.


Bush's Economic Plan: Buy Locally Made Drugs

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the economy is recession, The United States Government has issued recommendations to taxpayers on how to spend their economic stimulus checks.


Religious Figures Appear on TV for Makeover

LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to “update their image,” several well known religious figures made surprise guest appearances last week on the Jenny Jones Show for a segment entitled “Righteous Makeovers.” During the show, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Vishnu and Mohammed each took turns with hair stylists and fashion consultants, each hoping the new looks will help them come across to a new generation of worshipers that are more in tune with the world of high fashion.


Oscars’ Producers Looking to Revamp Awards Show

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is planning changes to the Academy Awards to update the awards and appeal to a larger audience.


Party Goers Not Sure If That Guy by the Closet Is Racist

GREENSBORO, NC – Several attendees of a recent birthday party were left wondering if the man standing over by the hall closet was racist.


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