A white, middle-aged man listens to music made in the 1960s.

White, Middle-aged Men Upset with Recent 500 Best Songs List

LOS ANGELES, CA – Middle-aged, white men across the country are expressing their anger with an entertainment magazine’s recent list of the 500 best songs of all time.


This year's Super Bowl Halftime show will feature white people wandering around the field doing whatever they want to do.

Super Bowl Halftime Event to Feature White People Doing Whatever They Want

TAMPA, FL – The National Football League (NFL) announced the theme for this year’s Super Bowl halftime show will be “America” and will feature a large number of white people wandering around “doing whatever they want to do.”


President Trump has been hiding from his staff and White House security since losing the Presidential election last month.

Trump Hiding from Staff in White House

WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the Presidential election, by a considerable margin, Donald Trump has begun hiding from staff in the White House in a desperate attempt to remain President.


Qanon Revealed to be Mountain Dew Marketing Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.


Lisa Huller is considering several different excuses for not voting for Biden.

White, Suburban Woman Still Considering Excuses to Not Vote for Biden

LANSING, MI – Local white, suburban, mother, Lisa Huller, is still considering several different excuses to not vote for the Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden.


The Democratic National Committee is struggling to convince voters to vote for a DNC-backed candidate instead of the candidate that the voters actually prefer.

DNC Brainstorming Ideas to Get Voters to Pick DNC-Backed Candidate

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Democratic National Committee (DNC) leaders are scheduling urgent meetings to discuss how to get people to vote for candidates that the DNC wants them to vote for in the upcoming primaries instead of the candidates that the voter’s actually prefer.


White people from across the country plan on gathering in Washington, D.C. to protest the decline in their white privilege.

White People Plan Protest to Regain Privilege

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.


Survey: Most Native American Art Made by White Men with Ponytails

SANTA FE, NM – A recent survey conducted by the University of New Mexico has discovered 75% of art labeled as “Native American Art” is made by white men with ponytails.


A commercial for a male enhancement drug featuring a black actor frightened white viewers.

Black Man in TV Commercial Results in 270 Calls to 911

NASHVILLE, TN – The appearance of a black man in a television commercial frightened white viewers and resulted in more than 270 calls to police.


Disney Releasing Alt-Right Edit of The Last Jedi

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Hoping to win back white, male Star Wars fans, Disney is releasing a new edit of The Last Jedi with all non-white, male characters removed.


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