Father Time Asked to Move End of the World Up

SPACE, TIME – A petition has been delivered to Father Time requesting that the end of the world, currently scheduled for 2012, be moved forward.


America Getting Ready to Forgot About Women's Soccer

SEATTLE, WA – As the FIFA Women’s World Cup winds down, Americans all across the country are getting ready to completely forget about women’s soccer.


World Still Does Not Know Who Let the Dogs Out

LOS ANGELES, CA – It has been 17 years since the question was first raised but investigators and the general public are still unsure who let the dogs out.


Computer Guy Ready To Save World With Batch File

OMAHA, NE – Sitting in his cubicle, Desktop Information Technology employee Garret Cutler dreams of, and is preparing for, the day when he will be called upon to save the world with his batch file writing skills.


University Breaks Virginity Loss Record

TEMPE, AZ – In a single day, the record for lost virginity in a 24 hour period was shattered at Arizona State University.


Washington, DC To Open Crack-Themed Museum

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to draw more tourists to the nation’s capitol, the Mayor of Washington, D.C., Anthony Williams, has announced plans to open an interactive museum devoted to the city’s most famous product, crack cocaine.


China Thinking About Taking Over The World

BEIJING, CHINA – After several years of working through scenarios, China says it is strongly considering taking over the world in the next five to 10 years.
“We rook at evy-ting and we rearize tat (China) have evy-ting we need to take over word,” said Ma Zhaoxu, a spokesman for China’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. “So maybe (China) just do it. Maybe we just take over word. Who stop us? America can not stop us now.”


Christ Apologizes for Meek Inheriting Earth Tweet

WILMINGTON, NC – Jesus Christ has apologized for a controversial tweet he made last month after an intense online backlash.


Buchanan Kicked Off Real World: Washington D.C.

WASHINGTON D.C. – The cast of popular MTV reality show “Real World: Washington D.C.” decided Thursday to again remove one of its members. The housemates have asked fellow member Pat Buchanan to leave the house on his own or he will be kicked out.


Local Man a Soccer Fan All of a Sudden

LOUISVILLE, KY – Even though he barely understands the rules and has seen only parts of five different games, local man Fred Neal considers himself a soccer fan.


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