WASHINGTON D.C. – After month’s of bitter arguing and failed attempts at rebuilding their relationship, President Bush and Iraq President Saddam Hussein have agreed to attend couples counseling. Both plan on retreating to Camp David with world-renowned therapist Kelli Steinberg later this month.
Throughout the two week session, Steinberg has planned several bond-building activities for the couple and is hoping for positive results.
“Bush is such a bull… with his head. Bullheaded. But Bush is also not very intelligent so he takes things really personally sometimes. And Saddam is, well, he can just flat out be a jerk some times. But there is the material there, in both of them, for a beautiful thing. I think I can help them bring that out and together we can make things better. Make things less bullheaded and stupid. By the end of the therapy George and Saddam will be arm in arm and making the kind of love we’d all like to see,” said Steinberg.
One of the first activities Steinberg has on schedule is a trust exercise, which calls for one member of the couple falling backwards and trusting that the other will be there to catch them.
“The trust game is one of my professions oldest bond building exercises,” Steinberg said. “George and Saddam need to feel comfortable with each other, they need to show each other that they are both fragile creatures, and they need to help each other out of their respective shells. Once the comfort level is established, then we can move on to other, more powerful business, but trust comes first.”
Other activities that the couple will participate in include lessons in verbal and non-verbal communication, feelings and making small allowances to please each other.
“After we gain the sense of trust, we move on to communication. George needs to be firm with Saddam, he’s got to say ‘hey, Saddam, you can’t walk all over me like that.’ And Saddam needs to lighten up a bit, he needs to say ‘George, I respect where you are coming from, but is bombing my people really the answer to your problem?’ When we can reach this plateau, we can say that we’ve made good progress.”
While both parties are unsure the counseling will help, both are willing to give it a try on the chance that it’ll make things as they were in the past.
“I don’t know about this but for the sake of the relationship, I’m willing to give anything a try,” said Bush. “But I tell you what… if he thinks for one second that I am just gonna roll over and take all of his bull and let him win and let him hit me like he use to… then well, he has another thing coming.”
“Yes he is an American and I will always hate him for that but I think I maybe be able to look past that and see him for what he is inside. A really dumb, guy that I can manipulate like a puppet. But if he even once calls that big jerk (Dick) Cheney I’m walking,” said Hussein.