WASHINGTON, D.C. – During a press conference about the recent sniper shootings in Washington, D.C., President George W. Bush made a stern, stoic facial expression to convey the severity of the situation. The expression came just after Bush made the statement “These shootings are a very serious and deinferring matter.”
Until Bush made the serious face, it was unclear as to what he thought about the shootings, which claimed 10 lives over three weeks last month.
“All of us at the press conference just sat there trying to get a read on (Bush). Until he looked at us and squinted those beady little eyes of his and made his mouth really small, we couldn’t gauge him,” said reporter Jared Franz. “After that, we all know he was serious and worried about the killings. I mean really, we haven’t seen a face that serious since he last asked to blow up Iraq.”
After the face was made Bush continued to address the room of reporters, however few were interested in anything the President had left to say.
“We got what we wanted so we were done. (Bush) just rambles on forever spouting words that don’t even make sense. So once we get that look, we wrap it up. We’ve kinda played out the Bush is dumb angle… it’s just not news anymore. I hope he keeps up with these expressions though. Seriously, if I have to listen to one more press conference with him at the helm… well, I’d probably gouge out my ears with the antenna of my cell phone,” said reporter Kari Van.
According to Presidential aids, Bush tries to convey as much as possible through his expressions and attitudes.
“We all know he has… well, issues talking. His grasp of the English language isn’t exactly up to speed if you know what I mean,” said Presidential aide Stuart Clemt. “In order to get away from the fear of him saying something completely stupid, we’ve been working on his face and trying to say things nonverbally rather than verbally. Basically, if he opens his mouth we know we’re in trouble and we’re trying to minimize the damage by concentrating on expressions rather than words.”
Late last month the sniper and his accomplice were apprehended by police, however Bush has yet to comment or change his facial expression regarding the case.
“These people, they are just disrepresented. Disestablishment. No, despicable, and we can’t afford to let them continue in their nongood ways,” Bush said. “I will not rest until these snipers are put to death. If this were Texas, they’d be dead already, but it’s not so they’re still alive. For now. But like I said, I will not rest until they are punished, or I get really tired. Which ever comes first, then I’ll rest.”