CHATTANOOGA, TN – In a shocking move, Defense Lawyer Drew McAllen played the race card during the trial of Ron Willis, however the card was immediately beaten by a Level 3 Wood Ogre with a Plus 7 Axe of Wonder. The Ogre card, presented by Prosecuting Attorney Andre May sealed the win for the prosecutors trying and lead to a murder conviction for Willis.
“What the shit? Seriously, what the shit is that shit?” McAllen said. “The nerve of him, playing a damn game card during a murder trial. So they say my client ‘allegedly’ killed 42 ‘alleged’ victims and he gets convicted because the other lawyer is a huge geek. That sucks. Flat out sucks and is a complete mockery of our judicial system. Orge? Seriously, at least it could have been the Emerald Witch.”
The card, taken from the popular role-playing game Magic: The Gathering, is a highly sought after card in the world of players. May’s card is said to be one of only 37 in existence making his card far more powerful then the race card played by McAllen.
“Man, when he played that race card I knew he was gonna win. Surely the jury would have taken the defendant’s side once they heard how the cops picked only one African American for the line up and how the police sergeant supposedly hates black people. I knew I had to do something immediately,” May said. “I just happened to have my deck of Magic cards with me so I said what the heck and threw the Ogre out there. I was shocked that the judge granted me the win, what with the race card not being a real card and all. Go me.”
McAllen decided to play the race card in an effort to prove that his client was on trial solely for the fact that he was African American. With a substantial amount of possible evidence and testimony to back his card, McAllen was sure a victory was close.
“The prosecutors have no case against my client,” McAllen said. “So they found 42 femur’s buried in his backyard. So the femurs had bite marks that fit my clients dental pattern. All circumstantial. They are only after Mr. Willis because he is a poor, black man. If he were white do you think the police would’ve found those leg bones? I don’t think they would have.”
Many of the jury later revealed that the Orge card was far more impressive and tangible than the race card. One juror went as far as to say that if the McAllen would have presented a card other than the race card, it would have been a much tougher decision.
“You see, The Ogre card was cool and all but we just didn’t get a feel for the race card. Sure he had facts and witnesses but we just couldn’t visualize it. I mean… look at that Ogre. How cool looking is that card with the skulls and shit in there. Looks like he just got done eating some dude and was ready to toss the femur bone off to the side… Hey! Just like the guy in the trial. Wow… that makes things a lot more creepy now. That Magic game is fuckin’ crazy,” said Juror Ted Fillinger.