LINCOLN, NE – A small pharmaceutical company in Nebraska plans to market a new pill which the company reports will allow women to orgasm 97% faster, bringing the female orgasm within minutes of the male. Medi-Drug Pharmaceuticals will release the pill nation wide, pending approval from the FDA, under the name Fasm. The name comes from the combining the words fast and orgasm.
“We feel that it is important for the world to have this pill,” said Medi-Drug president Albert Cook. “Women have long been forgotten in the world of orgasms, and we felt that it was the time to say ‘Hey, women need pleasure too.’ Am I right? I know that sex was created for men to have pleasure, but it can also be enjoyable for women. I don’t know exactly how it works, but I think it has something to do with the Germans. They’re behind everything.”
Much like the drug Viagra, Fasm increases the blood flow to the sexual organs to make them more sensitive, thus making it easier to achieve orgasms.
“The pill works on a chemical reaction,” Cook said. “It goes into your body and breaks down chemically. Then there’s a reaction. Chemically. And that’s about it. It’s pretty simple really. The testing process was a long and arduous one but in the end it was worth while. The scientists all took turns slipping the pill into women’s drinks at the bar on the corner and then they would take them home.”
While Viagra took years to become socially acceptable, the reaction to Fasm has been overwhelming. Advance orders by pharmacies across the country are already said to be greater than Penicillin.
“If this thing works then it could turn the tables in the battle for sexes,” said kindergarten teacher, Kelli Stevens. “I think the only reason men have most of the power is because they orgasm so damn quick that they have more time to get shit done. Right now it takes some women almost an hour and men can get off in 12 seconds. At least the last couple I dated can… Hey! Can I get an Amen? But seriously, if I could come right away and not have to finger myself for 20 minutes after sex, think of all the time I would have! I could learn a trade. Like knitting. Or welding. Then I wouldn’t need a man at all.”
The drug, set to be released in October, will at first be by prescription only and will retail for about 25 dollars a pill.
“We know that 25 bucks is a hefty price tag but when you think about it, is it?” Cook said. “Think about it. You could screw your brains out, and it would take ten minutes. That would be heaven. Cus then women would have more time to cook and clean and do other women type things. Now our pill might hurt the prostitution business, and that would be bad, but then again, hookers are like roaches, they’ll survive anything. Except a blow to the back of the head#133; But other than that they are pretty resilient creatures.”
Medi-Drug intends to follow the launch of Fasm with a similar pill that allows women to have better fake orgasms.
“There are a lot of exciting things going on here and it’s great to be a part of it,” Cook said. “While the focus right now is leveling the sexual playing field, we are planning on working with the male side of sex. In fact we have a pill in clinical studies now that stops males from thinking about sex every seven seconds. With the pill that time is pushed back to eight seconds—with some cases pushing back as far as 11 seconds. Should be interesting.”