RENTON, VA – Ending several weeks of speculation, the Food and Drug Administration announced that it was recalling one of the “mmm’s” from the famous Campbell’s soup slogan. Campbell’s soup, previously marketed as “mmm – mmm, good,” was forced to remove the second “mmm,” reportedly due to the reduction in the soups quality over the past five years and an increase in the quality of competing brands.
“It is a sad day for all of us here at Campbell’s Soup headquarters,” said Campbell’s spokesperson Larry Elbert. “We don’t agree with the FDA’s decision but since they are ‘The Man,’ I guess we have to comply. I’m not saying this is political but did the FDA make M & M’s take away one of their ‘M’s? Those things taste like ass and cause little children horrible tooth related pain. Our soup never hurt anyone… out of the can.”
The decision has been suspected and alluded to for the last several years as more and more gourmet soups have come into the can market once dominated by Campbell’s.
“With the intro of Progresso and Wolfgang Puck’s line of soup, it’s just no contest and (the FDA) had no other choice than to step in,” said FDA spokesman Howard Freeny. “We could not stand idly by while Campbell’s claimed that their soup was worth two ‘mmm’s when it clearly is not. If I had my choice of eating a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup or say, a can of dog food that has made a trip through the digestive track of an average poodle… I would go for the dog food. That and they use endangered species in Tomato soup. You thought that was real tomato? Wrong – Try South American Black Eared Squirrel.”
Campbell’s has been trying to win back business and consumer favor with the introduction of several “high end” soups. However, as of this year, the new line of Campbell’s soup has not succeeded in winning over the FDA or soup aficionados.
“(Campbell’s) is trying to hard and they are really competing in a market that they just can no longer afford too,” said food critic Edgar Simpson. “Sure, when they were the only soup out there, it was easy to call them ‘mmm – mmm, good’ but now I would have to give that rating to Progresso. That shit is deliciouso! I might give Campbell’s soup a ‘eh, at least it’s not Long John’s Silvers’ Well… on second thought. Maybe not. Long John Silver’s is better. Not by much mind you… but better.”
The FDA did leave the door open to Campbell’s stating that the second ‘mmm’ could be re-awarded if the quality of soup increases.
“We aren’t a completely heartless organization,” said Freeny. “If Campbell’s gets its shit together, absolutely, we will give that second ‘mmm’ back. But they do have a long way to go. And if I were them I would hurry up. Chef Boy-R-De has already petitioned the FDA for a two ‘mmm’ rating. Advanced word is that they won’t get it, but others are sure to follow. Maybe if they made more soups catering to the younger crowd, like Chicken Noodles and Pot. But that is just me thinking out loud here.”