Auto Accidents To Be Broadcast On LA Traffic Signs


LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move to ease the frustration of sitting in traffic, the city of Los Angeles is set to unveil its new accident warning system along a 100 mile stretch of I -5. The system, which will be comprised of video screens every mile, will broadcast any traffic accidents that are ahead.

“How many times have you been slowly moving through traffic only to come to an accident, and then the traffic starts going? It happens to me all the time,” said California Secretary of Transportation Nathan Bridges. “Now, with these screens, people will get more than they ever thought possible. We’ll have camera men at the ready, every time an accident occurs. The camera men will be dispatched to the scene and the whole accident will be broadcast on all these screens. Luckily there are enough accidents to keep the screens on almost 24 hours a day.”

The system hopes that people will get a good enough view of the accident that they won’t feel the need to “rubber-neck” at the site of the actual accident helping to speed up traffic.

“I think this is pretty kick-ass,” said Los Angeles resident Steven Franklin. “I hate sitting there, not moving, wondering if there is an accident up ahead. I just sit there wishing that I could see what is going on. If these screens work like they say, I’ll be able to watch the whole thing. I just hope the camera crew gets there early enough to see people smashed up in the wreckage. That’s the stuff I want to see. I could care less if they show fender benders. Give me the carnage.”

While the main purpose of these screens will be to broadcast accidents and traffic information, the Los Angeles Police Department hope to also broadcast police chases on the screens.

“There are roughly 18 car chases on LA streets and highways every day,” said LA Police Sergeant Garry Wright. “Some of those cause damage to spectators or worse, cause death. If we can let people know that a car chase is coming up behind them, hopefully we can get people out of the way. I just hope this doesn’t encourage people to try and stop the criminals themselves. That’s the last thing we need, a bunch of vigilantes out there, perusing the streets, looking for crimes to stop. That’s best left to real heroes, like Batman.”

The program has been met only with support and most LA residence are looking forward to the installations of the screens.

“I can seriously not wait for this,” said California resident Randy Maddox. “This way, we can probably see blood and splattered brains and shit, you know the stuff we can’t see just driving by. I think the system will work great. And we can totally get in the way of car chases so all our friends can see us on the TVs, you know, since we know when they’ll be coming up on ass, we can try to help out by shooting out the tires of the perp.”

According to the LAPD, the first screen will be installed next month with a new screen up and running every two to three weeks.


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