Lindsay Lohan's Tits Signed To Star In New Fox Film

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HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a deal reportedly worth more than 20 million, both of Lindsay Lohan’s breasts have been signed to star in a big screen adaptation of the TV show “Cagney and Lacey.”

While it’s unclear which breast will star as which character, 20th Century Fox executives are excited to have to larger than life stars attached to the project.

“Scoring those tits is the biggest coup we’ve managed in years. You know, there were being courted by Dreamworks to star in a big screen adaptation of The DaVinci Code. But we got to them first,” said 20th Century Fox Public Relations Director Steven Wiesenstien. “We think those boobs are about to blow up and everyone in America should see these breasts in action.”

Lohan herself has not been contacted for a role in the movie however, industry insiders speculate that her breasts may force the issue as part of any contract.

“Lindsay is second rate at best,” said 20th Century Fox Senior Executive Benny Gildwiener. “Granted, she isn’t Paris Hilton bad, but she’s damn close. Did you see that monstrosity Mean Girls? Good God. I’m still trying to figure out what America did to have that happen to us. But let’s face facts here, if we want to see those cha-chas in a Fox film, then we’ll do whatever it takes. Luckily we can probably skate by with just paying Lindsay in coke and scotch.”

The film is set to begin production this summer and with no male lead locked, almost every actor in Hollywood is interested in the part.

“While I’ve never seen those tits actually perform, I have seen them all over town in various clubs and internet videos and I have to admit that even I am a little excited to have the opportunity to stand next to those magnificent orbs. I’m not saying that they would make me switch sides, I’m just saying that they are good looking tits,” said actor Ian McKellan.

Lohan herself is excited that her boobs are generating such positive buzz.

“My mom and I have known that my tits are great for the last couple years,” said Lohan. “I remember the day I picked them out like it was yesterday. They were just sitting there, starring at me like lost little puppies. They were so cute, I just had to buy them. Honestly, I guess I always knew that eventually they would get too big for me and would need to strike out on their own, I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.”

Upon hearing the news of his daughter’s boob’s new movie deal, Lohan’s father responded “hey, that’s great. I’ll sell you a pair of my daughter’s panties for 10 bucks. Come on man! I need this!”

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