DES MOINES, IA – A Human Resources’ presentation on sexual harassment in the workplace was marred by giggles and whispers late last week forcing presenters and officials to stop the meeting several times. The interruptions did not subside until the meeting concluded.
“The way these people acted was ridiculous,” said HR representative Janie Gills. “Every time I said penis or breasts or vagina I’d hear several people giggling, whispering and nudging each other. Everyone there was an adult, in fact, the youngest attendee was 35, so there is no excuse for acting like 10-year-olds. I don’t even want to tell you what happened to the audience when I said ‘some people are anal about their lifestyle.’ I had to stop the meeting for 20 minutes while people collected themselves. Anal isn’t even a dirty word so I’m not sure why it was that funny.”
Speaking with anonymity, one meeting attendee said it wasn’t so much the content as the delivery that forced the giggles and whispers.
“Oh my god. (The presentation) was hysterical,” said the meeting attendee. “Every time the presenter said ‘breasts,’ she grabbed her own tits. Once she even tweaked her nipples a little bit. I think it was subconscious but it was pretty damn funny. Then every time she said the word penis, the dude next to her would ask her to use the ‘less offense term of wiener.’ Seriously, who uses wiener anymore? The only thing that would have been funnier is if every time the lady said penis he whipped his out and slapped her leg with it.”
The presentation was given to employees of Gabledon Enterprises at a manufacturing facility as part of a company wide push to increase work place sensitivity on all levels.
“(Gabledon) didn’t have any issues to speak of we just wanted to make sure all our employees were being respectful and appropriate, I guess they aren’t,” said Gabledon Senior Vice President Howard. J. Kelenre. “I guess I’ll have to fire them all. We, as a company will not put up with crap like that. If you aren’t respectable to your fellow… working people, then you have to go work somewhere else. Unless you’re hot. Then we may be able to find room for you up front. This building in particular needs more talent, if you know what I mean.”
Another sensitivity training session has been scheduled and to counter the issues of the last meeting, each presentation will be presented by a former United States Army drill instructor and to smaller groups.
“Sergeant Aner will get this stuff through to these jokers. He doesn’t take gruff from anyone,” said Gills. “If he sees someone even snicker he’ll likely yell at them and make them do push ups in the rain or something.”
Most employees of the manufacturing facility are not looking forward to the additional sexual harassment sessions.
“Look, we all get it,” said Second Shift Manufacturing employee Fred Dentors. “You can’t tell chicks they look hot in that shirt. You can’t stare at chick’s tits. You can’t ask them out all the time. You can’t whistle when they walk by. You can’t walk up behind them and put your dick on their shoulder. You can’t pinch their ass and then smell your hand as they walk by. I mean, we all get it now. For years now, we get it. We just save all that shit up in our heads and use it to masturbate to when we get back to our houses.”