HOLLYWOOD, CA – Holy crap on a crutch! It seems like forever and a day ago that I got to write one of these articles. But never fear, my adoring pubic… I mean public, it is I, Beth Sinclair and I am here to tell you what is going on in this crazy little world I call HollyAsskickFucktasticLand!
It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to chat with you all, but nothing really has changed. I’m still my glamorously, fantabulous self and I’ve had more men in me and on me than Richard Simmons. Though I am a little upset that my home girls Paris and Lindsay had to go all legit! What is up with that?
Well my little children, that’s enough about me. It’s summer time yet again. A time when a young, nubile reporters thoughts turn to that of the next big thing – and no, I’m not talking about my date later tonight! Can you believe that I bought a new swimsuit? I did! It. Is. So. SEXY! I cant believe it. It’s tight too. Shows off all the thing that Buddah Jesus gave me: my ass, my boobs and of course my awe inspiring va-jay. I’m sorry, I know I said no more about me, but I just cant get over how good I look in this suit! My gash has never looked this good – not even when it was filled to the brim with a TV hunk who shall remain nameless, (psst I’ll give you a hint, his name is Mike Wallace, and I’ll let you in on a secret, it was 60 Minutes indeed!).
Again, I’ll try to get back to the subject at hand. And what is that subject? Rehab! It’s the newest, hottest thing and you better believe that I’m all up in that like the aforementioned Mr. Wallace. With a bag of chips! I pride myself with being on the forefront of all the major trends, and I can tell you that this rehab thing is going to take off! I mean look at Lindsay! She is glamming all over that place and, I can tell you this in confidence, she has been wasted 24/7 since she got there! It’s like a coke buffet! But that’s not what I’m here to tell you.
Anyone who’s anyone is scrambling right now, trying to get addicted to anything they can get; Horse, Smack, Junk, Cheese… whatever they can get their grubby little celebrity filled hands on. Not only is it a good time to be an addict, it’s a good time to be an enterprising entrepreneur. To go along with the rehab trend, the new “it” job in the industry is called a “dealer.” These saints among men will hook a celebrity up with whatever they need to get on the rehab fast track.
Now all this rehab talk isn’t just for the Hollyweird set. Get it, I called it “weird” instead of “wood” because those people are so crazy! But I love it and wouldn’t change it for the world. I guess I’m just a celebrity whore! Or at least that’s half right! Seriously though, even you normal type people can get in on the act. Just find someone who will be your own personal “dealer” and have at it. It takes a little dedication to become fully addicted so make sure you have several months of nothing really planned so you can get ass deep in the drug of your choice.
Rehab is such a magical place that everyone should go there. There is someone there to wait on you hand and foot, you get to hang out with glamorous celebrities and, um, you get to hang out with glamorous celebrities. Do you need any other excuse to do it?
Anyways, kids, it’s time for me to hit the old dusty trail. I’ve got four stops in rehab scheduled over the next four months, so you know that I’m going to be one busy bee-yotch! Now, to get me some Cheese and go to town.
Be safe and fuck all you can! Byeeeee!