WATSONS GLENN, VA – A Valentine’s Day gift given to Jessica Berg by her boyfriend Adam Benjamin has forced Berg to reevaluate the couple’s relationship. The gift, edible panties, is regarded by Berg as “fuckin’ bullshit.”
“I have no idea what that guy must be thinking,” said Berg. “There is no way in hell I’ll wear those or even consider letting him eat them off me. Have you seen these things? They’re like a fucking Fruit Roll Up shaped vaguely like a pair of panties. That’s just fucking gross. I gave him an iPhone and he gets me edible fuckin’ panties? What the fuck is that all about?”
The couple exchanged Valentine’s Day gifts last weekend and upon opening her gift Berg left the restaurant in disgust and walked home.
“I told that jerk what I wanted and it sure as hell wasn’t cherry flavored edible underwear,” said Berg. “He never listens to me and all he ever thinks about is sex. I’m more than just a cum bucket and I deserve nice things. All he had to do was buy me the diamond bracelet I told him about like 50 times and everything would have been fine. But nooooo. That dick had to get all perverted on me. Seriously. Who even wears stuff like this?”
Berg is planning to confront Benjamin about the future of the couple’s relationship as soon as he gets back in town from a business trip.
According to Benjamin, the panties were given to help “spice up” the couple’s love life which Benjamin says has become “boring.”
“The only real reason I’ve stayed with (Berg) as long as I have is because she is smokin’ hot,” said Benjamin. “But over the last couple months the sex has just been lame. Same two positions and no excitement. I mean it’s either her on top or the Flying Camel. Sure both of those are nice, but daddy needs a little variety. You feel me? We aren’t even doing it that much anymore. I’m sure she wanted something nice but I want some slap-ass porn sex and I really don’t give a shit about her wants.”
According to a local adult entertainment store employee, edible panties have become a hot seller in the last several years, selling more than double sided dildos.
“It’s just one of those things that seems odd, but they sell a lot, especially around Valentine’s Day,” said Bill Randolph, owner of Bill’s Adult Emporium in Richmond, VA. “I think it has to do with guys wanting a little more kink out of their relationship. I mean what woman doesn’t like having something sticky all over her vag and butt hole? Sounds like heaven to me.”
Despite the strong endorsement from the adult entertainment industry, Berg still plans to have it out with Benjamin as soon as possible.
“I will tell him exactly what he will get me as a make up present, and if he doesn’t deliver, he can eat these panties off of some other girl,” said Berg. “No, maybe I’ll keep them then video tape me and someone else enjoying them. Yeah, that would really be mean.”