CRAZYTOWN, US – The Mayor of Crazytown, Captain Artimis Buckminster III, says the protesting that has accompanied recent health care reform town halls has been well within his expectations.
“Well helllllllooooooo there! I’m Captain Artimis Buckminster III, Mayor of the wondersous, spontificatious, magnamanamous city of Crazytown and I think all the wild, weird and beautifical happenings at all these fun little silly town hall meetings are exactly what I, Captain Artimis Buckminster III, mayor of Crazytown, would expect to find at any town hall meeting held here in Crazytown! Banana Pants!” said Buckminster.
For months, protestors have been showing up to health care reform town halls, sponsored by members of Congress, in an attempt to derail the discussion by shouting, holding obnoxious signs and throwing temper tantrums.
“We, the magnificantanous people of Crazytown… wait. Shhh! Did you hear that? It sounded like a minicab,” said Buckminster. “Anyways, where was I? Ohhhh yessssss! Whack jobs! Oh no! That’s not a slight against those super little protestor type people. That’s just what I like to call people who live, or should live here in Crazytown! Crazytown is splandorious! Everything here is Crazy! Like a pancake! But those protestors – sure they might be a little crazy and acting like spoiled children out there in the ‘real world,’ but here, in cantacerous Crazytown they are normal. But what’s normal? Ah, the spider knows. Or maybe he doesn’t. ‘Cus he’s crazy too! Boner waterfall!”
Over the past several weeks, protestors have begun arming themselves prior to attending the town halls.
“I brought this here gigantimous hammer with me because it’s my legalaized right to do so,” said Crazytown resident Juniper Armswaggle. “Four score and one billion years ago our founder, Sir Reginald Buttertwinkles, set forth the lawtabulous decision that every resident of crazy town can, nay, should be armed as much as possible. Be it chainsaw, rabid wolverine or laser guided wrist rocket that only seeks out pudding, everyone should be able to carry something that will totally murderlate someone else. That is why I have my trusty gigantimous hammer. It’s my Buttertwinkles given right!”
Aside from the armed whack jobs attending the town hall meetings, other whack jobs have taken to spouting non sense to get their point across.
“Penis! Peeeeeeeeeniiiiiiiissssssss,” said Brian Jacobs, resident of Crazytown. “Now that I have your attention I would just like to say ‘penis.’ Penis penis penis penis, vagina, penis penis penis penis penis, buttfore buttfore anus. Penis Vagina vagina vagina. Thank you. P.S. Penis.”
Despite an appearance to the contrary, not all of the Crazytown residents that have been attending the town hall meetings are crazy.
“These people are retarded,” said Bradford Q. Greennipples. “I used to think that this was a place of smart, rational people. After the sight that I just witnessed, I think I may just move. People who have no idea what’s actually going on talking about things that have no relation to what’s going on. That’s what this is. They get their information from who knows where and instead of checking their facts, they come out here and act like raving lunatics. It’s rather frightening. Oh