WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the super majority in the Senate, Democrats have switched strategies for passing legislation. Democratic leaders are now going to start using reverse psychology to get the bills they deem important through the Senate and house.
“Realistically (reverse psychology) is going to be a pretty simple thing to implement,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV). “I know we completely blew it with the super majority we had but that’s not the point. (The Republicans) already vote against everything we try to do so getting them to vote like we want them to should be relatively easy. All we have to do is say that a climate bill, for instance, is going to destroy the American Economy and come out publicly against that bill. An hour later we’ll have that bill passed. Republicans are like dumb, spoiled children that won’t do anything that’s good for them so we have to be like those weak and tired parents you see in the mall, trying to trick our dumb, spoiled children into doing things that they don’t want to do. Stupid kids. Sometimes I just want to grab them and yell at them to pull their damn pants up. They look like holligans!”
Beginning next week, the Democrats will try to push through an education bill using the reverse psychology method.
“This will be a real litmus test for this strategy,” said political analyst Sharren Malbern. “If the Dems can get the education bill passed, it’ll be a huge change to the balance of power. Right now the Republicans are basically being little bitches. Excuse my French. Anything that comes their way, they shit all over, even if it’s a good idea. Again, please excuse my French. You know what I think the problem is? (The Republicans) are all secret werewolves. Yeah, I said it. Every single one of them turns into a werewolf on full moons and devours children. But I bet that’s why they keep killing all the bills – especially the healthcare bill. They’re afraid that someone will find out that they’re all werewolves, and then where will they be? Well, according to most Republicans, they’ll be dammed to hell. It says right in The Bible that werewolves can’t go to heaven. Look it up. Of course that’s just what I think… because I can smell (werewolf) musk all over the Republicans.”
Reverse psychology won’t be used to pass only small legislation. If the method proves successful, Democrats plan on using reverse psychology to pass health reform and climate bills.
“Before I start talking about this I want to make something clear; we aren’t saying Republicans are stupid. What we are saying is that Republicans are blinded by hate and automatically unite against everything that we try to do,” said Senator Tom Carper (D-DE). “Luckily conservative radio hosts and most of Fox News are stupid, nay… retarded, so those dumbshits will put pressure on Republicans to vote down anything we try to do. So, from now on we’ll just come out really hard and really against the stuff we really want. Lord knows we can’t get our own party together enough to get anything done so it’s really the only thing that we can do. ”
Republicans themselves are not worried by the Democrats new approach. Many Senate Republicans have said they’ll see right through the reverse psychology.
“I will not be fooled by the shenanigans of the Spendocrats,” said Senator Mike Enzi (R-WY). “They think they can fool us? They’re in for a rude awakening. My fellow Republicans will shoot down whatever they bring to the table and we’ll vote for whatever they hate. That’s what we do. I think. I forget how reverse psychology works. Either way, the Dumbocrats won’t fool us. If they bring up Health Care again we’ll vote for it… or maybe not. But rest assured, we’ll kill that bill quicker than a redneck beats his wife after Darrell Waltrip loses a NASCAR race. Believe me, that’s fast.”
While the Democrats almost universally support the new approach, a few are concerned that the plan may backfire.
“I think that if we, the Democrats, play this wrong it could really come back to bite us on the ass,” said Ron Wyden (D-OR). “It probably won’t backfire, but if it does we are completely screwed. I mean, we’re announcing our plans to the media. Doesn’t anyone think that might not be the smartest move? I know that most Senate Republicans are borderline retarded, but come on. There has to be one out there that will see what’s going on, right? Well, I guess we’ll see. At the very least we should be able to get some things voted in before one of those asshats figure out what’s going on.”