ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor. Dean and Sharron Gonzales gave birth to their first child, Brynn, last summer and have begun to notice that the baby looks similar to neighbor Donald Haren.
“It was weird, because at first, we didn’t notice anything,” Dean said. “You know how it is with babies. They look all squished and freaky. We didn’t think anything of it at first. We just thought our baby was a normal, weird looking baby. You know how it is. When babies come out, their heads are all pointy, they’re all splotchy. They look like aliens. It’s almost exactly like that scene in ‘Alien’ when the alien popped out of the dude’s chest. Well, I guess it’s not exactly like that, because, you know, Brynn popped out of his mom’s vagina. But it reminded me of that scene in ‘Alien.’”
The couple first noticed the resemblance between their new baby and their neighbor, Haren, about three months ago. Brynn, although only a year old, has a number of features that make him look like Haren including a unibrow, green eyes and black hair none of which are traits shared by either of Brynn’s parents.
“As (Brynn) started to get older, yeah, that’s when we started to notice things,” Sharron said. “I’d look at him and say to myself ‘hmmm, looks like he’s going to have green eyes.’ I have blue eyes and Dean has brown eyes and no one in either of our families has green eyes. Again, we didn’t think anything of it, because those things change. It’s really weird. I know it’s just some sort of kooky coincidence, but how weird is that? That our baby looks like our neighbor? I’ll tell you, nature is a weird thing.”
Both Dean and Sharron say they have no idea why their new baby looks so much like their neighbor.
“It’s just so weird that Brynn looks so much like (Haren). It’s almost like he’s the dad. Ha. Even though that’s impossible,” Dean said. “I mean, yes (Sharron) was spending a lot of time over at Don’s for a few months, helping him redecorate or something, and yes it’s true that we haven’t had sex in over a year except for the night when Sharron came in and ravaged me. That was a bit unusual, I mean it wasn’t even our anniversary. I’m not going to complain because I lasted for at least three whole minutes. That was awesome. I guess it worked too, since we found out the next day that we were having Brynn. My sperm must be awesome.”
Many of the Gonzales’ friends have begun to speculate amongst themselves as to the reason for the resemblance.
“Personally? I think that there’s definitely something fishy going on,” said Brian Flanagan, who lives on the other side of the Gonzales’ from Haren. “It’s like that movie, oh, what was it called? The one with Jack Nicholson. ‘The Shining.’ Yeah, it’s just like that. I think Sharron was somehow messing around with a ghost, who was also messing around with Don. It happens all the time. Either that or that slut Sharron couldn’t keep her damn legs closed, ghost or no ghost. Hey, Dean, I’m there for you bro! If it turns out that your wife did Don or some kinky ghost, I’ll be there to help you out. Take that however you want, but the offer stands.”
Despite the fact that many believe that an affair has taken place between Sharron Gonzales and himself, Haren denies the claim.
“What? Did I ever bang Sharron? What?” Haren said. “Let me put it this way. I can say, with a certain amount of certainty that I’ve never eaten shrimp before. Now, if shrimp were to come over one night, or every night for that matter, get me drunk and put itself in my mouth, I can still technically say that I’ve never ‘eaten’ shrimp before. Would this scenario change if I weren’t drunk? Would it change it if you replaced ‘shrimp’ with ‘my penis’ and ‘my mouth’ with ‘her vagina’? It’s all semantics people.”