OLSO, NORWAY – An international team of scientist have finally put to rest any debate about global warming saying that recent snow showers across the globe prove that that the earth is not getting warmer.
“If the snow falls then how can the earth be getting warmer?” said climate scientist Joachim Svnesoris. “This snow that fell in the United States and parts of Europe show that the Earth is cold enough to make snow like it has forever. So if the Earth is cold enough for snow then it can not be getting warmer. That is very basic science that I am talking about here. Snow means cold. Snow does not mean warming.”
According to the team of climate researchers, the recent snow proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that any debate over the existence of global warming is over and there is no need to further discuss or research the issue.
“I walked right in to the room where all the other scientists were gathered, raised my arms and shouted ‘we did it! Global warming is bullshit, just like the oil company guys said it was!’” said Canadian research team member Wayne Conte. “All we’ve heard about over the last several years is ‘global warming’ this ‘we’re all doomed’ that. Now we can say that this is all bullshit and all the hippies out there can go find something else to bitch about.”
Scientists have been debating and studying a perceived increase in the global average temperature for decades. Until this month, the predominate belief was that the Earth was getting warmer year after year.
“When you look at (average temperature) strictly from a data stand point, it did appear that things have been getting warmer over the last couple decades or so,” Conte said. “But really, it was all an illusion. You can’t just look at data. And that’s where we made our mistakes. When the snow started falling and someone in the group asked ‘hey, how can it be snowing if it’s getting warmer out there’ we all suddenly realized how easy this problem actually was. It was like someone had been hiding everything from us for decades. Around the office we’ve joked that David Blaine must have had something to do with it. But all jokes aside, we realized that we were just plain wrong. What we thought were significant, obvious increases in average temperature were really just something else that we don’t care about.”
In addition to the recent snow storms, the scientists also attribute some of the success of the findings to the oil industry which financed 20 years of research into global warming.
“If it had not been for oil companies, we would have never proven global warming doesn’t exist,” Svnesoris said. “They provided all of the equipment and the techs to run the equipment. It was an oil technical person that first noticed the snow and told us that the snow means it is very cold outside. If it wasn’t for oil companies we would still be sitting and thinking that things were getting warmer. God bless the oil companies.”
With global warming now proven to be nonexistent many scientists will be looking for other issues.
“One of the things that we’re looking at next is disproving gravity,” Conte said. “When you think about it, we can’t see it, so how do we know it really exists? I bet that Newton guy and that Einstein asshole were full of it! They were probably trying to tell us things that can never be proven to build up their own reputation. I’d like to knock those guys down a few pegs.”