DALLAS, TX – In an effort to increase gay awareness, several gay rights groups including the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) have adopted “truck nuts” as a symbol of gay pride. Till now, the fake scrotums hanging from the backs of trucks have been a favorite accessory of “rednecks.”
“The way we see it, nothing says gay more than a pair of nuts hanging from the back of a vehicle,” said president of the HRC, Matt Thompson. “Seriously, who likes nuts more than gay guys? No one. As it is now, when the average person sees a truck with truck nuts, they think ‘gay’ anyway, so why not take it and run with it? It never made sense to me why rednecks would want that hanging on their trucks. I mean, I know that it’s supposed to show that the truck has ‘balls’ but come on. Those things are gayer than Clay Aiken.”
Over the past few months truck nuts have increasingly begun to replace rainbow stickers as an indicator of gay pride. Sales of truck nuts have increased 1000% in the city of San Francisco.
“From January 2010 to August, we sold two truck nuts in the city,” said Kevin Diamond, owner of Diamond’s Auto Parts in San Francisco. “But Man, once the gays got wind of the change, we haven’t been able to keep them in stock. I’ve got an order for 300, and I’m sure that they’ll be gone within a few hours. I can tell you, once the gays sink their teeth into something, they don’t let go. They’re like pit bulls. Well, pit bulls that like penises in their butts.”
Other than the obvious association with male genitalia, truck nuts are being embraced by the gay community for more subtle reasons.
“I just love the shit out of those cute little things,” said G. W. Tyle. “I’ve always like them. They are so damn cute I could just eat them all up. But not just because they look like a giant man’s sack. I like them because there are two nuts, hanging there side-by-side through all sorts of weather and turbulence. What a message! I wish me and my boyfriend Juan were that close. Well we would be if he could keep his god damned hands off that slut Mickey down at the Brown Nose club. Fucking Juan. Excuse me for a minute.”
While the gay community has embraced the truck nuts phenomenon, the novelty items initial audience is not happy with the change.
“Man, that sucks, I love my truck nuts,” said Marty Freeman, 38 of Dallas, Texas. “See, that’s what happens when you let them queers vote. They come in and they take something as no homo as a pair of bare nuts hanging from a trailer hitch and making it all homo. First they took the rainbows, now they’re taking this too? What’s next, hunting? Man, they better not take hunting. If they do, why, I don’t know what I’ll do but I guarantee that it won’t be gay.”