MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.
“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”
After the historic events that took place in Egypt last month, several other nations have gained the courage to stand up to their local governments. Shortly after Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak “left” office, protests rose in Jordan, Libya and Yemen, amongst others.
While the demonstrations in these countries are being watched closely, the United States government has taken a particular interest in the events that are taking place in the small country of McDonaldland.
“The events that are unfolding in McDonaldland have the potential to shake America to its very core,” said U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “Sure the whole Egypt thing was important to them, but we really didn’t give a shit. When you look at it, our everyday life wasn’t affected by what was going on over there. But if things continue to deteriorate in McDonaldland, we could loose a large part of our food supply. Kids across the country will be affected and parents will have to actually cook something. Terrible. Terrible times may lie ahead.”
Much like Mubarak, McCheese has been accused of corruption and many other horrifying things in his 30 year rule of McDonaldland.
“I… I simply cannot tell you the extent of all the things that I’ve seen,” said Officer Big Mac, who served as McCheese’s right hand man for nearly 20 years. “I can remember the early days of his rule, there were Fry Kids everywhere. I mean you couldn’t take five steps without stepping on one. But (McCheese) thought they were a disease and he slaughtered them all. Well not all. You can find a few scattered around in zoos, but it’s not the same. And don’t get me started on what (McCheese) had me do to Uncle O’Grimacy. I still have nightmares about what that sadistic fuck had me do. All that blood… I’ll never be able to drink a Shamrock Shake again.”
Despite the pressure from a majority of the country, McCheese has so far refused to leave office.
“I will not give into pressure from outside influences,” said McCheese. “I will die on this throne! None of these people realize all the good that I’ve done for our country and our people. Who was the one to finally put an end to the tyranny of the Hamburgler? Me. If it wasn’t for me every citizen of McDonaldland would go to bed at night wondering if all of their belongings would be gone when they woke up. And who was responsible for taking down Birdie the Early Bird? If it wasn’t for me that whore would still be spreading her disease to every able bodied man in the country. Yes, I killed millions of people but every single one of them probably deserved it!”
Protestors initially congregated in the Hamburger Patch on February 22nd, and have yet to leave. What started out as a small gathering has turned into a demonstration of nearly 100,000 strong.
“Almost one third of the entire population of McDonaldland is here and none of us will leave until McCheese leaves,” said Chicky McChickenNugget. “(McCheese) may try to cook and eat some of us but he can’t cook and eat all of us. Viva la McDonaldland!”