NEWARK, DE – Several employees of CPTB Industries have described the Christmas decorations in a co-workers cubicle as “a little over the top.”
Employees of CPTB Industries returned from the Thanksgiving holiday to find that co-worker, Kay Sleeder, had spent most of the four-day weekend filling her cube with Christmas decorations.
According to reports, every square inch of Sleeder’s six-foot by six-foot cubicle has been decorated.
“You know, normally I don’t mind someone having a little holiday cheer, but really, this is a little too much,” said co-worker Donald Pepper. “There is not a single surface in that cube that isn’t covered with some sort of decoration. It’s like walking into a Christmas shop. You know the ones I mean. The ones that look like that show ‘Hoarders.’ In fact, that might be what’s going on here. I think I might have to call A&E on (Sleeder).”
The decorations include, but are not limited to; a life size, robotic Santa Claus that that greets passersbys with “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas,” seven full nativity scenes, a medium sized Christmas tree, 23 angels, an inflatable Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, 100 feet of garland, 104 stockings (one for each employee in the building), three pounds of tinsel, 300 feet of Christmas lights, a three-foot-tall gingerbread house, six wreaths, a fireplace, a singing and dancing snowman, three Thomas Kinkade paintings, a stereo decorated to look like an elf’s face that plays only Christmas music, a set of singing Charlie Brown plush toys, 1,013 candy canes, and 52 wrapped presents.
Sleeder herself states that the amount of decoration she has done to her cube is “perfectly fine and not obnoxious at all.”
“I just love Christmas,” said Sleeder. “I love, love, love, love it! I look forward to it all year. And I love decorating so when it’s Christmas time I just can’t help myself. I want to see Christmas everywhere and I want everyone around me to share in my joy. Christmas is the most important holiday of the year and I can’t help it if some heathens don’t feel the same way. They (non-Christians) are trying to take my decorations away from me and if they do I’ll sue! You can’t do anything to me for loving Christmas. How is it my fault that no one else loves Christmas around here?”
CPTB’s human resources and safety teams are currently reviewing the decorations to see if they pose any threat to Sleeder or any of her coworkers.
“We’re really going to have to look at this pretty close and see if there are any violations,” said CPTB’s HR manager Ryan McDougal. “I mean, right off the bat I would think that you probably shouldn’t have that many lights plugged into an outlet. Have you seen that move ‘A Christmas Story?’ It’s like that, but worse. That and I really don’t think the company wants to pay the electric bill that this lady is charging up. It’s going to be huge. Then there is the fact that she has a hot wassail machine. You can feel the heat coming off that thing from four cubes away. That has to be some sort of hazard. But we’ll see. The last thing that we need is for someone to accuse us of being discriminatory.”
While many people in her office have complained and asked her to scale the decorating back, Sleeder says that come hell or high water, her decorations will stay up.
“Those heathens cannot take my decorations!” said Sleeder. “If they do, they’ll have to pry them from my cold, dead hands. I swear, I’ll go all postal on this place. No, wait. No I won’t. I don’t think they allow decorations in jail. No, I’ll just sue them and then take the money and buy more decorations. I’ve had my eye on a full, life size Santa’s sleigh, complete with eight reindeer. I’m sure I won’t have any trouble finding a job that will let me put that up.”