BURBANK, CA – During a purchase of the Barenaked Ladies’ CD Stunt, Spin Me Right Round Records clerk Reggie “Egg” Stork expressed his disapproval of customer Brad Wilburton’s music selection.
“You’re buying this? You’re probably only buying this cus you heard that one, lame-ass song on the radio and wanted to re-live 1998, huh?” Stork reportedly said. “Man whatever, it’s your money. Out of all the great albums in this store, you picked out this? Look, right over there is the new Fucking Queers Who Hate Jesus album. See the big display that I made, you’re just going to ignore that?”
Wilburton, a long time Barenaked Ladies fan, was taken back by Stork’s comments. The purchase, which was prompted by the theft of Wilburton’s original Stunt CD, should have been made promptly with little chitchat between customer and employee according to the Spin Me Right Round Records Employee handbook.
“Geez, I just came into by this freakin’ album, then I have to sit there and listen to this dropout’s monologue about why Butt Loving Jesus what-the-fuck-ever the bands name was, is the best band on the face of the Earth. Come on, have you ever listened to them? They are absolutely terrible. He always has that crap playing in the record store every time I go in there. I’d rather listen to the Gypsy Kings.”
Despite Wilburton’s feelings toward Fucking Queers Who Hate Jesus, Stork vows to carry on with his campaign to inform the close-minded set and “broaden the horizons of the pathetic and ignorant record buying public.”
“We must fight the evil that is corporate dominance in the record industry. Sure, we could all buy Barenaked Ladies and Limp Bizkit and Britney Spears, but then we’re just kissing Mickey Mouse’s ego inflated ass. Corporations are ruining the artistic freedom of the American music scene. They are totally messing up the economy and we have to stop them. Everyone should only buy independently released music.”
At press time the Barenaked Ladies were unavailable for comment.