WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama announced last week that after his inauguration he will just “kick back” for the rest of his second term.
“You know, why do anything?” said Obama. “I could try to do a lot and try to get some stuff passed but it’s really hard to do that. You know? It’s not easy and I don’t have to worry about getting reelected again, so why would I even try to do anything? I think I might just kick back and play some video games and shit. Maybe take up painting. Oh, and you know what I’ve always wanted to try? Sailing. I mean I’ve been sailing but I’ve never been ‘sailing,’ if you know what I mean.”
Because Obama, without a change to the United States Constitution, can not server a third term he said his motivation to “do something” is minimal.
“I could try to change the Constitution, I mean, the opposition has already accused me of that several times, but really, why bother?” Obama said. “That sounds like work to me and at this point in my life, that’s the last thing I want to do. No, I’m pretty much set. Everyone knows that if you nail two elections, you don’t have to worry about anything for the rest of your life. It’s the one term guys that you have to watch out for. They’ll sell they’re mothers for a chance to speak at a graduation. It doesn’t matter though because I’m a two termer and now I can do whatever I want.”
During a recent press conference Obama, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and sipping a mojito, listed his accomplishments from his first term and then listed things he misses or wants to spend more time.
“Yeah, I did a lot in the first four years, stuff that was really good for the country, but did I get any credit for any of that or even an acknowledgement of the good stuff I did? Hell to the no!” Obama said. “So I’m gonna hang out with my boys and get my drink on. I think I deserve it. But more than hanging out with my friends, do you know what I miss the most? Fucking nothing. Doing nothing. Saying nothing. Not having to worry about nothing… except for where I’m going to get my next drink. That guys knows what I’m talking about.”
Congressional leaders have vowed to “flood” Obama with legislation and force him to work.
“I can tell you one thing, if he thinks he’s going to get a free pass for the next four years, he’s got another thing coming,” said Tom Coburn, Republican Senator from Oklahoma. “We’re going to push through so much shit that he’s not going to have the choice but to work. We’ve already got 432 anti-abortion bills to start with and we’re getting 50 more every day. I can tell you, when we’re done with him he’s not going to know whether he’s coming or going. If he thinks that he’s just going to sit back and drink happy juice all day, he’s in for a rude awakening.”
Despite congress’ plan to send Obama legislation, many political strategists think congress is totally incapable of getting anything passed.
“It’s kind of ridiculous, because the stuff they’re going to try to push through is idiotic and is just going to bog down the system so that if anything does really need to be done, it wont. So in that sense it’s highly likely that President Obama will be able to relax for the next four years,” said Dan Wilson of Reuters. “One of the first bills that they’re pushing through is to change the designation of dogs. (The Republicans) are asking that canines be hence forth know as ‘Pooper-do’s.’ That’s the level of stuff we’re dealing with here.”
Obama said that he will kick off his “vacation term” immediately after his inauguration by going straight to the oval office and watching a ‘Doctor Who” marathon.
“The second I walk off that inauguration stage, I’m gonna head straight for the oval office , I’m gonna turn on Netflix and I’m gonna watch every episode of ‘Dr. Who.’ I guess there is an eleventh doctor now? I’m totally behind on that show,” said Obama.