Blogger Says Obama Wants to Bomb Heaven

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A Conservative blogger says he has proof President Obama wants to bomb Heaven.
A Conservative blogger says he has proof President Obama wants to bomb Heaven.

DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.

“It’s a well-known fact that Obama is a secret Muslim that hates god and wants to kill him and now we have the proof!” said writer of the blog Hannity Was Right, Jason Gasper. “We have proof, right here, that Obama and his Democrat cronies are going to blow up the heavenly kingdom because he hates America and hates God and hates guns and… um… hates… um… white people and… everything. Because he’s secretly Muslim and not born in America and… stuff.”

While not revealing what the proof is, Gasper said the proof reveals Obama’s full plan for destroying heaven.

“The plan? It’s all right here in this proof that I have,” said Gasper. “First he’s going to lie and claim that God is planning on destroying Florida with a hurricane. And we all know that that’s not going to happen. Because It’s going to be the Japanese that destroy Florida when they use their weather machine on us because they want our oil. And our guns. And then he’s, um, he’s gonna… point all the nucular missiles at Heaven and then he’s going to press the button. And BOOM! No more God. Then he can get all his Muslim buddies up there in heaven and they’ll have a big old Muslim dance party on the charred remains of Jesus and God and all the angles.”

Other bloggers and political analysts are skeptical of Gasper’s claims with many even suggesting that Gasper has no proof and that he is lying.

“I doubt, very much, that Gasper has anything other than a crayon drawing of a cloud on it,” said political analyst Dillon Marshal. “During Obama’s first term (Gasper) tried to rally Conservatives by saying that he had proof that Obama was trying to turn all the straight men in the country gay. His proof? A picture of an Asian man pointing a stick at a picture of a man walking a dog that someone had written ‘Obama wants to turn people gay’ on. That’s the level of intelligence that we’re dealing with here. Then when another picture surfaced of (Gasper) hanging out naked in a bath house, holding hands with an Asian man, (Gasper) said Obama had made him do that and started using that photo as proof that Obama wanted to turn everyone gay. Not a real bright guy but unfortunately there are a lot of not real bright guys out there that agree with him and think that Obama did make him hang out and hold hands in a bath house.”

Gasper says that he will reveal the proof when he is ready to do so and not before then.

“This proof is proof!” said Gasper. “What else do I need? I have the proof right here. But let me ask you this; has Obama ever said he didn’t want to blow up Heaven? No he hasn’t. So maybe instead of asking me what my proof is maybe you should be asking Obama why he won’t say that he doesn’t want to blow up Heaven! Make him go on record and say that he has no plans to blow-up Heaven.”

The Obama administration has never confirmed or denied any plans to destroy Heaven and when asked, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said “Come on, really?”

“Why would we ever want to blow up Heaven? There’s no oil there!” Carney said. “Ha, ha. I’m just kidding of course. There is no reason to blow up Heaven. We stand by Heaven and it’s right to exist. Besides, destroying Heaven would destroy all the clouds and then what would give us shade on hot summer days? Where would the rain come from? No sir, Heaven is not in our plans right now. But I can tell you one thing. If Heaven starts aligning itself with North Korea, Iran or even Argentina? Then we may have a different answer to your question.”

Despite the dismissal from the White House, Gaspar believes that his proof will change the general public’s view of the President.

“You’ll see, you’ll all see,” Gaspar said. “When we’re all sitting here looking up at a black sky because that Muslim has gone and blown up Heaven you’ll all say ‘Wow, that guy sure was right! Now let’s go get our lynching ropes.’ And you know what? I’m just going to laugh because I knew I was right.”

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