ODB Hologram Arrested, Fathers Four Children

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The Ol' Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and impregnated four women during a concert last month.
The Ol' Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and impregnated four women during a concert last month.

MISSOULA, MT – The hologram of deceased, legendary rapper Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice and fathered four children during last month’s Shamalabam Music Festival in Missoula.

The Ol’ Dirty Bastard hologram appeared during the Wu-Tang Clan rap group’s set. It was during that set that the hologram was arrested twice.

“We can confirm that the rapper hologram Ol’ Dirty Bastard was arrested twice last month,” said Missoula Police Department Spokesman Terri Bobrovsky. “We can not go into specifics but one of the arrests was drug related while the other was due to property damage.”

During Wu-Tang songs that did not feature Ol’ Dirty Bastard, the hologram did not appear on stage. It was during these songs that the hologram allegedly impregnated four women.

“I honestly don’t know how (Ol’ Dirty Bastard) knocked me up. I was just standing back stage next to the hologram equipment. A week later I realized I was pregnant,” said Gretchen Ruff. “How do I know it’s his? A woman just knows. This baby is definitely ODB’s. I’m not sure how I’m going to do this, I’m not sure if a hologram is really a good father figure. Especially a hologram of ODB. I don’t know if my baby is going to be addicted to hologram crack or some other type thing. I’m kinda scared. I should also probably get checked for hologram STD’s.”

The hologram of Ol’ Dirty Bastard was developed by Robert Duggan, creative director of Holographics, and commissioned by the music festival in conjunction with the Wu-Tang Clan.

“We were approached by several member of the Wu-Tang Clan who expressed an interest in creating the hologram,” Duggan said. “They had seen the technology before and thought that this would be a great way to make a whole lot of money. So we did it, and we made a whole lot of money off of them. I mean we really screwed them on the price. But hey, they got a good product. We did shit with the ODB hologram that we only imagined we could do. We actually went back and took all known footage of (ODB) and loaded that into the hologram so that it would have all of ODBs personality. Which probably explains why it was arrested and fathered those kids. I guess we probably should have known the thing was different when, right after we created it, it went to claim his past welfare checks.”

Holograms of famous, deceased musicians are becoming increasingly popular since the technology made it’s music festival debut at Coachella with a hologram of Tupac Shakur in 2012. This year alone holograms Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Ross, and Karen Carpenter have been developed.

“People are really excited to be able to see artists that they might never had the chance to see,” Duggan said. “One of my pet projects was the Karen Carpenter hologram. I was a bit young when she passed away, so I didn’t really appreciate how good (the Carpenters) were. Not to mention how hot she was. I’m not talking about when she was chunky, I’m talking about her towards the end when she was full on anorexic. I would have broken her in two… which is really why I created the hologram in the first place. You ever think about having sex with a hologram? It’s not as weird as you’d think.”

According to Bobrovsky, the charges against the ODB hologram are pending and the Missoula Police Department are trying to figure out if a hologram can even be charged with crimes.

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