WAYNESVILLE, IN – Local high school student, Roy Garfield, told his family that after graduation he will not be going to college in the fall and that he plans on just “taking a year off and just relaxing.”
“This was a real tough year you, know?” said Garfield. “You know, I, uh… it was hard. I had homework a couple times and I had to go to school, like almost everyday, you know? Shit like that just wears a person down. After graduation I’m just gonna hang out for awhile, you know? And, um… I don’t know, maybe, like… do some stuff?”
Throughout high school Garfield maintained a 2.1 grade point average and at one point had a part time job at a local pizza restaurant.
“School and that job I had for a couple weeks was really hard to all do at the same time and stuff,” said Garfield. “I didn’t have any time to do all the stuff I wanted to do, you know? I’m a kid and… I, uh… you know, I should be out there seeing the sights and just hanging out with friends and smelling the road, you know? YOLO! You know what I mean? It’s like… you have only one life and you should use it and stuff in case something happens and… stuff. Shit like that and stuff, you know?”
Garfield’s parents say they were not surprised by the news and that they will still be encouraging and supportive of their son.
“Our wonderful baby boy just needs some time to figure stuff out,” said Garfield’s mother, Joanne Webber. “He told me what he was thinking and what he was feeling while we were in the Apple store looking at getting him a new iPad mini. His other one broke somehow. But we had a real good talk about his plans and I support my little Roy boy 100% because he is a smart, funny, great kid and I know that he will be great at whatever he does. His step father and I will be behind him all the way and we will be there to support him until he figures out his path. He can stay with his mommy forever. No matter how long it takes. And no matter what my husband says.”
Although he won’t be going to college in the fall, Garfield has not ruled out attending college at some point in his future.
“I might go at some point. Maybe to, like, a community college first and then to Indiana State with all my friends but we’ll see, you know?” said Garfield. “I don’t not want to go to college. I just don’t want to go right now. All my friends are going so maybe in a couple years I’ll go to college and hang out there and chill with them for a couple years. But right now I’m going to concentrate on resting up and stuff.”
Friends are also not surprised by Garfield’s news, citing Garfield’s general laziness and lower than average intelligence.
“Of course he isn’t going to college, are you kidding me? I don’t know a single preson that is lazier than (Garfield)” said Dorothy Bellast. “I love him to death but he barely made it out of high school. In fact, I think he may not make it out of high school. I’m not sure he is going to pass all his classes so I’m not sure he will graduate. He isn’t the smartest kid in the class. Not even in the top 95%. But whatever. He can do him and I’ll do me. Me, I’m going to college because I don’t want to work at Dairy Queen anymore.”
As for Garfield’s immediate plans, he will spend the week after graduation finishing the video game Skyrim.
“I played Skyrim a lot when it came out but then I got so busy with other stuff so I think I’m gonna get back in to that and see if I can finish it,” said Garfield. “I don’t know though because I remember it got kinda hard. So if it’s still hard and stuff, I might just play something else. Or head to the lake. Whatever. I just need to relax and take some time off because of how hard I’ve worked, you know, in my life… and stuff.”