MODESTO, CA – Over the past several weeks local Christian Jerome Hopkins has been aggressively wishing co-workers a “merry Christmas,” regardless of his coworkers’ actual religious beliefs.
“There is a god damned war on Christmas and I’ll be god damned if I just sit by and let Obama and the politically correct Nazi-crats take away Christmas from me!” said Hopkins. “So I walk right up to every single one of my coworkers, look them right in their eyes, point at them and say ‘hey! Merry Christmas!’ Then I walk away so they don’t try to tell me how offended they are. It’s Christmas goddamnit! It ain’t the goddamned holidays. Christmas! It’s Christmas!”
Hopkins began his aggressive pro-Christmas stance after reading an article linked from a Conservative blog.
“I think the article was a couple years old but that doesn’t mean shit,” said Hopkins. “If people are trying to stop people from wishing people ‘merry Christmas’ then you can’t put a date on something like that. That is something that will last forever. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna just sit around and let the spendocrats and Obama take Christmas away from me! Happy holidays my ass! There’s only one holiday that matters! So merry Christmas to them! And merry Christmas to you! And merry Christmas to this whole fucking place! You hear me back there in purchasing? I said ‘merry fucking Christmas!’”
Hopkins coworkers have asked Hopkins to be less aggressive and several have filed complaints with company management but none of his coworkers have seen a change in Hopkins actions.
“I asked him to just tone it down, you know? But he didn’t stop and in fact, he may be even worse now,” said Hopkins coworker Jenna Lee. “I don’t really have a problem with people wishing anyone anything but him coming in to my cubicle, getting right in my face and saying ‘Merry. Christ. Mass!’ is a little much. Also after he said it he just stood there for a second like he was waiting for me to say something. I actually think that if I would have said something about ‘happy holidays’ that he would have stabbed me in the eyeball.”
Of the more than 100 employees Hopkins located in the same building as Hopkins, only five are not Christian.
“I’d say a good 90% of this office is Christian and even most of us that are Christian are kinda freaked out about how (Hopkins) says ‘merry Christmas,” said Hopkins coworker Jenny Freemont. “The one Muslim guy, Saed (Veri) back in IT has us all on watch for him. We’ve promised Saed that we will give him a warning when (Hopkins) is headed his way. The last thing any of us want is for (Hopkins) to kill Saed. Saed is a really good IT guy and we don’t want to have to find another one. (Hopkins) has always been a dick but he’s really been a big dick about this stupid Christmas thing. Who gives a shit?”