PASADENA, CA – Local mother, Jane Herbst, is refusing to get a flu shot because she read an internet blog post recently that may or may not have said there was a connection between autism and flu shots.
“I was on the internet the other day and I saw a blog post, I think, somewhere, that said people who get flu shots have a higher risk of getting autism,” said Herbst. “I don’t want to be autistic so I won’t be getting a flu shot and I won’t let anyone I know get a flu shot. Even if it’s a small chance, why take that risk? I don’t want my kids to be all austic either, Lord knows they got enough problems already. I mean hell, Jimmy is a borderline retard as it is, I’d hate to think about what would happen if he was autistic, too.”
Herbst cannot remember what website contained the information and has not bothered to do further research but she now believes “without a doubt that there is a link between flu vaccinations and autism.”
“They’re not just going to write an article and make stuff up for the fun of it, what kind of idiot would do that?” Herbst said. “No, if someone too the time to sit down at their computer and write an article about something, you know that they’re going to have some damned proof. And that’s enough proof for me.”
Physicians and disease control specialists are unanimous in stating that there is no link between flu shots and autism.
“First of all, you can’t catch autism so the idea that you could get a shot and suddenly have autism is profoundly stupid,” said Ethan Jerome of the National Society for Autisim. “But honestly, these dumb parents with their internet. They believe the stupidest things these days. You cannot, I repeat, cannot catch autism from a flu shot. It is impossible. Not ‘almost’ impossible. Impossible impossible. Not getting a flu shot because of this dumb belief is not only dangerous to you and your family but everyone you come in contact with. People like this make me wish those Death Panel things me and my fellow physicians floated for inclusion in Obamacare made it in to the final rule.”
“There is no link between flu shots and autism,” said Dr. Ganger Neyur. “None. This is fact. There is no connection. It is impossible. We have 80 years of data that we can and have reviewed. If you think there is a link then you are wrong and I hope you and the people you love get the flu very bad and pee out of your butt because you are a stupid person.”
Although Herbst has not read or heard any additional information to support the connection between autism and flu shots, she refuses to believe every physician and disease control specialist in the world that unanimously say there is no link.
“Those people that say there is no link obviously have an agenda,” Herbst said. “Like those people who are trying to tell me that the Russians didn’t have a part in 9/11. Or that we actually landed on the moon. If it’s on the internet it is true. You just watch. Any day now there will be a big story about it on CNN and then all you people who think I’m stupid will find out that you already have Autism and there’s nothing you can do about it. Then I’ll just sit there and laugh at your retarded ass like I do Jimmy. Damn that kid is dumb.”