DALLAS, TX – Local 10-year-old Jacob Entwhurst has informed his parents that he may have contracted Ebola that he should be quarantined for the next month.
While Jacob Entwhurst shows no symptoms of the disease he feels that it is in the best for the community if he stays home from school.
“Um, I’ve been watching the news a lot lately and, uh, I really think I have Ecola. I mean Ebola,” said Jacob Entwhurst. “It’s pretty serious. A lot of people are dead now and, um, I think that it would be very bad of my parents to let me go to school and then I could get, um, the other kids and stuff… I could get them sick. Then their parents would sue us. I just think that that is super awkward.”
Despite the fact that he is showing no symptoms of Ebola, Jacob Entwhurst said he probably contracted the disease while visiting a friend’s house.
“My friend Gabriel, his mom works at the hospital that had the Ebola guy, the one where the Ebola guy died and she is a nurse and she coulda had Ebola and it could have been in the house when I was over there so I, uh, probably have Ebola now and I should stay at home, in my room and not go to school,” said Jacob Entwhurst. “Have you heard about all the people who have died from Ebola? It’s like hundreds. I think it would be very irresponsible of my parents to let me go to school. I just think that that is super awkward. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that the new ‘Call of Duty’ is coming out for Playstation. I mean, my friends wouldn’t be able to play with me, because they don’t have Ebola. Except for Gabriel… I’m pretty sure he got it the same way I did. From his mom. Like me.”
Jacob Entwhurst’s parents say they are not sure if they believe that Jacob has Ebola, citing previous examples of when Jacob has lied to them in order to get something he wanted.
“He lies to us all the time, about everything, but… what if he really has Ebola?” said Jacob Entwhurst’s mother Kara Entwhurst. “I’ll feel really bad if I make him go to school and he ends up having Ebola. I read online that Ebola is airborn now and that Obama is dropping it from planes. Did you see that? Have you seen those white lines made in the sky by planes? They say that’s Ebola. What if it’s true? Maybe we should bury Jacob in the back yard. No… that’s probably illegal. But I don’t know. Maybe he’s faking it again. He’s probably faking it again. Like when he told us that he had Diphtheria because he didn’t want to go to Cracker Barrel for dinner. We knew he was faking it then. But what if he’s not now? What if they are dropping Ebola from airplanes? He’s probably faking it. But…”
Despite his parent’s skepticism, Jacob Entwhurst maintains that it is possible that he has Ebola and that he is not lying in an attempt to stay at home and play videogames on his brand new Playstation 4.
“I told you, this has nothing to do with anything except Ebola and that I don’t want to get the other kids sick,” said Jacob Entwhurst. “I don’t want to be known as the kid that made everyone dead from Ebola. That would suck. It would be like when Mike Swanny farted in First Grade. Ever since then he’s been known as ‘FartFace.’ I don’t want a name like ‘EbolaBoy’ or something worse sticking with me all the way through High School. That would suck. So I’ll just stay home and play ‘Call of Duty’ with Gabriel.”