TRENTON, NJ – As summer begins, so does the season of home renovations. The cold weather is gone and home owners across the country will begin heading to hardware stores for the supplies to make needed or wanted improvements to their homes.
According to Home Re-Do Magazine’s editor Glenda Hershet, this year’s most popular home improvement project is the addition of a sex dungeon.
“The economy is finally starting to come around and people have a bit more disposal income so of course, they are starting to look at the things that they’ve been depriving themselves of over the last several years… and kinky, BDSM sex is at the top of that list,” said Hershet. “Of course the continued popularity of 50 Shades of Gray amongst lonely housewives is helping a lot, too. People these days want to get freaky and just want to get spanked really hard, so why not take that section of basement that’s not being used and turn it into something that will bring joy, and a little pain, to everyone?”
Sex dungeons, popular in the Renaissance, have seen a resurgence in popularity in recent years. While some attribute this spike in popularity to the success of various films and books, others suggest that sex dungeons are becoming more popular simply because people are looking for something new and different.
“The idea of the ‘man cave’ or reading nook is so last decade,” said Rick’s Sex Dungeons and Poundatoriums Construction LLC owner, Rick Spankington. “People are looking for something new and different – that their neighbors don’t have. But something that also is a fuckton of fun. When they have a dinner party people want to say ‘that door? Oh, that door goes to the sex dungeon.’ I built one years ago and I still use it a couple times a day. Once I used it for 12 hours straight. Of course I couldn’t walk for a week after that so, you know, I gottsta take it easy sometimes. But seriously, every person in America has been bad, very bad, and just needs a good spanking every now… and nipple clamping. Why do that in the bedroom when you can do it in the privacy of your own dungeon where no one can hear your cries?”
The popularity of sex dungeons is evident to anyone walking through hardware stores.
“You walk through stores like Lowes or Home Depot and now there are isles of sex dungeon hardware, tools, building materials, and whatnot,” said interior designer Sarah Zennista. “Of course they are not expressly labeled ‘sex dungeon aisle’ but everyone knows what they’re getting there. You don’t put three inch steel link chains next to small, nipple sized clamps, next to leather straps, next to a drill with a pulsating adapter kit for no reason. But it’s cool that people are broadening their horizons. Sex dungeons are so much more interesting to build that a new kitchen. And if you get it wrong you will just get punished for it and that is so, so right.”
Despite the popularity now, some home renovation experts believe that the trend won’t last very long.
“Yeah, it’s the new, hip thing right now, but seriously, I can’t see this lasting long,” said host of HGTV’s “Project Renovation”, Keith George. “When it comes down to it, how often are people going to use their sex dungeons? Once, maybe twice a day? What happens when you get third degree burns on your genitalia from lack of proper lighting and rack placement? Is it really a wise investment to spend that much on something that fleeting? I don’t see it.”