SALEM, OR – The man a couple cubes down is stating that he has a great idea for a mobile application that will make him millions of dollars.
When talking about the application, the man – whose name might be Brad, or possibly Chad – gives very few details about the application because he “doesn’t want anyone to steal” his idea.
“I’m not entirely sure what it’s all about but that’s basically all he talks about,” said Shelly Stein. “He’s worked here longer than anyone else but he doesn’t really interact with anyone except to talk about the app idea he has. I don’t think anyone actually knows what his name is. I mean I’ve been here three months and I know just about everyone on this floor. Hell, I’ve fucked eight of them. But not him. He hasn’t said a word to me other than mumbling about ‘when he gets his app launched.’”
Several employees on the floor have said they have discussed the application with… Jerry? Is it Jerry? Is that his name?
“Anytime there is a conversation happening near him he will eventually find a way to inject the fact that he has a great idea for an app,” said Jess Warrant. “The thing is, no one ever asks about the app and none of us develop apps so… why the hell does he bring it up all the time? The dude is weird. He hasn’t even fucked Shelly yet. That’s kind of messed up, if you ask me. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”
Brad, if that’s his name, has been with the company for several years but no one is sure what he does for the company.
“You’re saying his name is Brad? I always thought it was Ron,” said Alan Martrel. “Now that I think about it, I don’t know if anyone ever told me his name, I just kind of assumed he was a Ron. He’s got that look about him. You know, like he could be a pedophile but he just hasn’t gotten his shit together. You know the type, right? Those guys are always named Ron. Whatever, he doesn’t bother me and I don’t bother him, and as long as he stays away from my kids, that’s how we’ll keep it.”
Despite the fact that no one in the office seems to know the mans name, one thing they do know is that he has an idea for a Mobil app.
“It has something to do with pizza, that’s all I know,” Stein said. “At least I think it does. He seems to mention pizza a lot when he talks about the app so I assume that’s what the app is about. That or he really loves pizza. Either way, I don’t know if I’ll find out. At one point I was thinking about fucking him, you know, just for the story, but I changed my mind. I don’t know, he just kind of a weird vibe. And that he smells like pepperoni. Maybe that’s why I think his app has to do with pizza. Whatever, he’s weird.”
As of press time, Charles, or maybe it’s Eric, could not be reached for comment.