LOS ANGELES – As the drought in California worsens, residents have begun modifying their cars by adding armor plating, skulls and various other decorations in preparation for the inevitable wars.
Climate scientists believe the lack of rain and shortage of water may result in wars fought by gangs with armored vehicles and guitars that shoot fire as seen in the recent documentary film, “Mad Max: Fury Road.”
“It was all there on the screen so everyone knows what’s coming,” said Alvin Simmons, Mayor of Sherman Oaks. “A lot of people from outside of California saw that film and thought it was just pure entertainment, but the good people of this fine state saw it for the reality that it is. This is a barren wasteland. I mean, really, this place has devolved into a hell hole the likes of which we’ve never seen. More so than before. Let’s face it, Sherman Oaks was never a paradise by any stretch of the word, but now, uh, it makes me shudder just to think about it.”
Automotive stores in California are beginning to cater to the desire for Mad Max-like cars by selling armor plating, cattle guards, polls, spikes, human skulls, and windshield wipers specifically designed to remove dust.
“The thing that makes me happy is that people these days are too lazy to build the shit themselves, like in the movie,” said Dave Mousen, owner of Mousey Dave’s Auto Shop in L.A.. “So all of the shit that they’re having me do they’re buying and I’m charging them an assload. I’ve made so much money these last few weeks that I will be able to buy all the water I want from the Water Lords. And the Water Lords on’t want to kill me because I will have all te supplies. I’m in a real good spot for this war so I says bring it on.”Sociologist and historians at the University of California San Diego suggest that wars will begin soon, if not by the end of the year, so modifications to cars should be made as soon as possible.
“We’ve already started seeing the first signs of it going on all over the state,” said Grover Carmichael, Sociology Chair at UCSD. “People are starting to hoard water and are generally being bigger asshats than usual. That’s how these things start. Look at the water wars that happened in Australia in the 80s. First people started being asshats, then the next thing you know their building ThunderDomes and fighting each other to the death. That shit escalated quickly. Luckily for the people there, Australia was able to come back from all that so I have little doubt that California will as well.”
Not everyone in California is preparing for the war and there is a large number of people, predominantly Republican, that reject the idea of a water shortage and any resulting decline in society.
“This is just another scare tactic by the Liberal media to get the general populous scared out of their minds,” said Republican Jake Moss. “That’s all (the Liberal media) does, is make up shit, like global warming, to freak everyone out so that they go buy foreign cars. That’s it. I saw the Mad Max movie. Do you think I saw any American cars in there? No I didn’t. And I saw on Fox News that the people that made that movie are the ones behind the global warming myth and the Iran. But on the flip side… The movie itself was bad ass.”
Those that are preparing for the war are happy to hear that there are others who do not believe a war is coming as those people will be “easy targets.”
“I really hope there are a lot of people that don’t prepare. That will make getting their water easier. Besides, we’ll need someone to tie to the poles and we’ll need skulls for our trucks,” said California residents Amber Stein.