SEATTLE, WA – As the FIFA Women’s World Cup winds down, Americans all across the country are getting ready to completely forget about women’s soccer.
“Oh man! I’m so excited! I literally can’t wait until the Women’s World Cup is over and I can get back to not caring about women’s soccer,” said USA Soccer fan Wilson Gibbs. “These games have been great and fun to watch and exciting but I’m totally jazzed to get back to not caring about women’s soccer. It’s cool that I only have to care once every four years. ”
Although there is a professional women’s soccer league in the United States, few World Cup fans are planning on attending any women’s soccer games.
“No shit? I had no idea there was a women’s league here in the states,” said soccer fan Karen Case. “You’re not bullshitting me here are you? I’m not on one of those hidden camera shows, am I? Wow, I didn’t know that. Yet even after you told me that I have no desire to go see one of their games. The (Women’s World Cup soccer players) are really phenomenal athletes but I think I would go to a WNBA game before a women’s soccer league game. Even if it was in my backyard. I guess the point that I’m trying to stress here is that I don’t care enough about women’s soccer, or even soccer in general, to actually watch it outside of the World Cup.”
Players on the USA Women’s Soccer team are thankful for the current recognition but they are eagerly waiting for everyone to stop paying attention to them.
“I’ll be glad when this is all over and I can get back playing soccer in the States where no one gives a shit about what I do,” said Stephanie Peckering. “I’m getting tired of little kids coming up to me asking me for my autograph. I fucking hate little kids. They are so dirty and stupid. But soon I won’t have to worry about them because everyone will forget that women’s soccer is a thing that exists and that they can still enjoy even though it’s not on TV.”
According to soccer experts, the only people not looking forward to forgetting about women’s soccer are FIFA officials.
“FIFA has a whole bunch of issues going on right now and I’m sure they’d rather the world focus on the Women’s World Cup and not on the fact that they are all dirty money-whores. Is that redundant? Money-whore? Anyway, FIFA want’s everyone’s attention on the women and not the organization,” said Soccer Commentator, Randy St. Matthaeus. “You know, if they were smart, FIFA should invest some of their bribe money into making the tournament last longer, or maybe paying some of the players to ‘forget’ to wear a bra when they rip their jerseys off after a goal. That would be something. Seeing a bunch of sweaty titties flopping around. Yeah, no one would be thinking about FIFA then.”
FIFA has released a statement congratulating the Women’s World Cup teams and players and encouraged fans to continue to watch women’s soccer even though “it’s boring.”
“FIFA is dedicated to bringing the world the best soccer played by the best athletes or at least the athletes that look best in short shorts,” said outgoing FIFA President Sepp Blatter. “In fact, we support all short shorts and the women who wear them as long as those women look good in those short shorts. And don’t forget to watch real soccer when the men start their qualifying rounds soon. ”