BISMARCK, ND – After months of debating, soul searching and consulting with family members, local man Dean Weebers has decided to pull his wife, who is in a Pinterest coma, of life support.
Dean Weebers’ wife, Jennie Weebers, fell into a Pinterest coma during her spring break vacation this past March.
“It was the darndest thing. We were talking about getting a new dining room table and she went to go look at pictures on the internets. The next thing I know she’s just sitting there, staring at her iPad, flipping through pages on Pinterest without blinking. And she kept mumbling about life hacks,” Dean Weeber said. “I thought she was just playing at first, ya know? She does that sometimes. Like when she knows I’m going to bug her for some sexy time, she’ll pretend she’s asleep or in a coma. I figured that this was one of those times since I already had little johnson out. But no, this was different. It’s like she wasn’t aware of anything else around her, just Pinterest. I mean I waggled my little captain in front of her face and everything and she didn’t even try to knock it away.”
Dean Weeber said the decision to pull his wife off life support has not been easy. He said he has consulted family members and his church leaders to help make the right decision.
“This has been the toughest decision of my life, don’tcha know,” Dean Weeber said. “I debated about (taking Jennie of life support) for months. But when I look in those eyes, those eyes that use to be kinda full of some life… now they are just focused on that damn iPad as she scrolls with her thumb. I just… I just hate seeing her this way. But I know she will be in a better place once we pull the plug on her. She will go to a better place that doesn’t have Pinterest. Hell doesn’t have Pinterest right? Because that’s where she is going. Ain’t no way she is getting in to heaven.”
Jennie Weebers’ parents are supporting Dean Weebers’ decision and say they would do the same thing if they were in the same situation.
“Jennie is a wonderful daughter and we love her so much but this is probably the best option,” said Martin Celli, Jennie Weeber’s father. “The thing about (Jennie) is that she didn’t have that bright of a future. She’s stuck in the same dead-end job that she’s had for 20 years and don’t even get me started on Dean. He’s a nice guy and all but he always made me feel kinda gross. You know what I mean? There was nothing in particular about him, it was just a feeling. Anyway, she’ll be dead soon so we don’t have to see him again.”
The sole person still fighting to keep Jennie Weebers on life support is her friend from junior high school, Shelly Neilson.
“We can’t let them do this to her! Who will like all my pins?” said Neilson. “Jennie, without fail, likes everything I pin. She’s never misses one – even now that she’s in the coma. And she’s the one that other people look to to find out what they should like. Without her I don’t know if I’ll ever get another like. And I’ve got some good stuff that I’ve been holding on to. Like a recipe for homemade Taco Bell Chile Cheese Burritos. That recipe should go gangbusters, but now, without Jennie, who will like it? Who?”